I've been Married almost 2 years now. but we've been living together for a year. I was in another country and I had to wait for a year to be with him. There were fights about small stuff when we were away from each other but nothing too big.
The real problem started after I came to the same country to start a new life. Lots of dreams and hopes, I was happy. Then gradually everything starts to change as I keep finding all the things that he hid from me before our marriage. I would like to mention here that it was an arranged marriage and all he told me about his past is that he was married before and it didn't last for long. I thought its no big deal atleast he's telling me the truth before the marriage, but I did hide it from my family as I knew they woudnt agree. Anyways the first thing that I found out was about his Fourth GF who was pretty important to him. I knew they were serious but all he told me that "she was crazy" thats why they broke up. But i found that she was pregnent and he wanted to get her an abortion thats why they broke up. It was a shock. And then I found that two of the girls that he introduced me as his "friends" were actually his gfs. And when I was waiting for my Parmanent residency in another country he was having Skype contact with her and ofcourse they took pictures and I found out the pictures. it was 3 weeks before our first anniversary. He hit me, I got out of the house in a minus temparature without any shoe or warm cloth. I was scared. I went to a neighbours house and from there my cousin picked me up. Then my uncle and aunt convinced me to come back to my husbands house. I was so mad that out of anger I contacted my EX(which was the dumbest thing to do). And unfortunately I didnt know that he had a key logger on my computer. So he got proof that I was cheating on him. He sent it to my sister and everyone in my family thought it was my mistake. and then I started to tell them all about what he did. We fought again and again. I kept going to my aunt's house and coming back cause everytime I thought I could let this go, I have fault in this too. I thought to myself that I wanted a fresh start I should screw this up. Finally we sat down and talked. Since it would be his second divorce so neither him or his family wanted the divorce, and for me I didnt have anyother choice. I stayed because I didnt have any other place to go. because my Aunt told me strictly not to go to her house for this reason. Anyway, we were trying to work things out but then again one day during a fight he Hit me again. In his words"I can spank you, spanking is not illegal". So i called the police and they arrested him. Though they released him 4 hours later with a restraining order.
But then I felt bad for him, I didnt want his life to ruin cause of a criminal record. I started to contact with lawyers to know whats gonna happen, and how can I help him. 2 weeks after the arrest it was my birthday and I was with my cousins. I was really upset and thought may b he will somehow wish me or do something. but he didnt. The I got a call from his lawyer to go to the lawyers office to sign some paper so that he can come home. I did. at that point I wasnt mad at him anymore and nothing really mattered. All I wanted was him to be at home. He had to go to an aner management course, and oneday he came to me, hugged me and said "Im sorry that Ive put you through so much pain, from now on im gonna do everything i can to make it upto you". I felt great!! I felt so lucky, I thought he really does want me and love me. I forgot to mention that he used to flirt on facebook. So oneday I saw a message on his facebook that he was asking for naked pictures from a model who does nude photography. It was upsetting. I was angry and we had another fight. We came to the point where we dont trust each other anymore. He kept his keylogger on my computer(though he said he uninstalled it but i knew he didnt because i kept changing it and he kept repeating those words that i have on my pw), I kept checking his fb and found that he actually deletes his conversations. I found messages, but i just thought since he spends most of the time with me and we are doing good i should just let it go.
One day while doing laundry, I found a condom in his pocket, and I was shocked. Because we dont use it, because he is not comfortable with it, and im on pills. When I asked him, he said "a friend of mine said its a good flavor i thought i'd try". I asked "With whom?", he said ofcourse with you. then I said" Seriously? because these has been on the drawer of our bedside table for the last one year.". Then he changed the story to "Oh, I wanted to have sex with you in our new bmw, i didnt want to ruin the seats. " . I cried and screamed, cause his reasons are not belivable. But some how with his words he did manage me. I belived him again.But After that I notice something strange in him. That he keeps jugding me all the time. As if I am a horrible person. And the worst thing is he says that to his parents to make me look bad.
Then one morning it was a silly fight, i said "when was the last time you did something nice for me". He said "If you dont realize what I do for you may b i shoud just stop doing what i do". I relied"I hate you", he said "I hate you too" and left for work. I was upset and a little bit guilty for saying "I hate you". When he came back everything was as if nothing happened. We were ok. The next morning We were watching something on his Macbook and at one point I said lets check your facebook. He had it open on another tab so he became so aggressive and took the laptop away from me. I said I was just kidding, he said well let me check yours, I said sure i will let you check mine if you let me check yours. He said no. the the whole day we didnt talk. I slept on the couch. He came to me to take me to bed but I said I dont feel like sleeping beside you when you are like this. He said"Im not gonna change, if you wanna stay, stay,if you dont then dont."Then I realized something is on his facebook that he didnt want me to see. Then I saw there was a girl, it was his friend's younger sister. I saw her profile and saw that she posted a picture with a flower saying best surprise ever. I recognized the handwriting. I dont know how he sent her his handwritten note with flower cause she lives in another city that takes 4 to 5 hours drive.
I didnt say anything that day, It was a shock for me because I thought she was like a little sister to him, but if that so why would he hide that from me? Specially when he knows how I feel about birthdays and him not being romantic to me. He didnt even think about me once. Then the next day we went to a movie and after the movie he tried to make things okey, by saying sweet stuff, but I said "whats the point if you r not going to change". then a little bit later i was trying to be nice too. and then I looked at him in the eye and asked "who did you buy flowers for" . He didnt lie. I didnt expect him to. but at that time I was sooo blinded by my anger that i walked out of the restaurant and took the subway to get back home. On the way I expected him to call, but he didnt. I cried the whole night, I screamed, he just didnt care and stayed in another room. In the morning he started playing with words and making up excuses and trying to put the blame on me. He said "she was sad, it was her birthday, i was just being nice". I asked"why didnt you tell me". He said "Because I knew you would act this way." I asked "When did being nice to other meaningless people became more important to you that you dont even care about how I would fee?" and the arguments went on and on ,at one point i felt calm. Then again the condom thing and this flower thing starts to come to my mind and i just cant stop crying. I realized there may be lots of other things that he hides from me. I dont know if hez sexually involved with someone else or not. I just cant trust him anymore. So I said I want a divorce. Though his family is trying to manipulate my decisiion, but I just dont see any point. But I do hnk that may be somewhere it was my fault too, may b I was too suspicious, but then I think he has always been like that, he has always hid things from me. May be he was trying to avoid fights, but if I disagree to something shouldnt he be caring about my opinion? There is still a part of me that thinks may be we should try again, I accepted so many things these are just little things, may be we should go to counseling. But then I think whats the point, he isn't going to change, i know him. And Ive taken so much of his lies that I cannot take anymore. He is aggressive and inconsiderate about my feelings.