He lashes out at me when he's upset with other people

My husband has ADD, and takes everything SO PERSONALLY.  Including things, that non-ADD people would simply brush off.  They put him in a tailspin.  He keeps me up all night stressing, and eventually starts lashing out at me when I've done nothing but support and love him.  He says the most hurtful things to me.  So now, every time I hear that he's had a problem with his dad, or something at work, I know I have to brace myself because he's going to turn his angry reactions on me.

Example:  There is a carpool to his work, that everyone has to pay dues to be in.  Since he stays up all night on the computer (usually Facebook or music related), he can never get himself out of bed in the morning to get to the carpool (literally takes it once or twice a month, though he wanted to do more, just can't get himself up).  This costs us $70 per month, and doesn't save us any gas (his commute is an hour each way).  So, the carpool was aware of a woman struggling financially who needed his spot, so they decided to give his spot to her since he never rides.  Makes sense to me.  To him, it was ULTIMATE BETRAYAL.  He was in angst, and every wrong anyone has ever done to him starts spinning in his head and making him miserable.  He kept me up all night talking about it, and I supported and loved him through it the best I could.  Then, as ALWAYS, he starts sending me nasty grams via email about random things that have nothing to do with what he's upset about, and he starts threatening to leave me over them.  He doesn't even care that I'm stressed with plenty of things too.

Does anyone else have an ADD spouse who does this?  Is it normal for ADD?  He knows he has ADD but refuses to treat it, saying that when he did take medication for it, that it "cured his only flaw", and he didn't want to be egotistical about basically being flawless.  He's riddled with flaws.  I work fulltime, take care of our three kids, and he does NOTHING around the house, finances, with kids.  He only takes, never gives, and adds to my workload instead of easing it.  Makes it really difficult then when he lashes out when someone else upsets him.  Divorce is not an option. 

Just want to see if anyone else experiences this with ADD spouse.