He moved on!

I had posted previously on here with a different name and received a lot of positive feedback.

I finally ended my marriage. About three months ago after one of our explosive arguments I snapped. I had forgotten to pick up butter from the store and was very upset that I forgot. First mistake...do not let husband know that you are upset because he has two emotions. Bouncing of the walls and kicking down the walls. He freaked out and grabbed the kitchen cupboard door and tried to rip it off. I had enough. I shouldn't be exposed to the amount of negativity, frustration and anger from one man. He had torn me down emotionally over the past 9 years and the last year or so I have been emotionally detached from him. You know the drill, it's my fault and for me to assume that he wants to be accountable for anything going wrong...well, I must be out to lunch.

He has refused to attend counseling with me to work on anger issues. I even said that the anger was shared between us (turns out the majority is my defensiveness from being called a n*gger dumb ass c&nt), and he said that I was weak. He didn't need help and are issues were my problem. I finally realized that there were no winners here, our family life was suffering, the kids wanted us to split, etc. It takes two to commit. He didn't want to stop going out on Friday and staying out until 10 am after being on a coke/booze bender. He wanted me to be on the coke/booze bender with him!

I started feeling good almost the second after I had enough and told him I was done trying. He arranged to move out and has done so, all while complaining that I do not understand how much it costs to live? Did I mention that everything in the house (including the HOUSE) is in my name. I was financially independent before I met him. He was 33 and lived in his friend's basement. Didn't own a thing and never had to be responsible for anything.

Now it has been a few months and as it turns out, he has a new serious girlfriend. WTF? I have had to do serious healing and self preservation to gain my confidence back and he moved on? It makes me angry and sad at the same time. I don't want him back, I guess I just don't understand how he has no clue how damaged he made me?

 

That's Not Moving On, That's Numbing Out

When people move on so quickly like that, it is because they are avoiding having to actually work on themselves. A new relationship is a great distraction and probably allows him to keep up the denial that nothing is wrong with him (See! It wasn't me! Look at this new relationship! I'm clearly awesome at relationships!) And that's really sad, because it sounds like he has a LOT of work to do. I'm sure it still hurts, but I hope you can see that it has nothing to do with you and your worthiness and everything to do with his desperate desire to avoid feeling anything bad.

I agree!!!

i also agree totally with Fox_Paws...that is very correct...

lovehurts..

moved on!

I can relate to your situation my dear.It's been 3 years of constant anger with my spouse and he is a very angry man.There is so much that i can write here but i will only say the most in a nut shell.The anger outburst is a horrid thing that i have been dealing with for all of this relationship,i'm tired now of it.. Up to date i had to go get a doctors check up for a burning in my urine,i told my spouse because the previous week i took antibiotics thinking it was a urinal tract infection.After taking the antibiotics the burning was gone,then i went up by him slept with him and the burning came back.I immediately search the internet for clues and found that one of the symptoms for an STD is a burning in your urine.I immediately fell to the floor with hurt and thinking what the f**k.The next day i told him that i am going to the doctors for a check up,never said STD, and he went mad,screaming,cursing,chasing me,hell be even so call broke up with me.Anyhow the test came back negative and i am fine.

The point i am trying to make here is that is reactions towards this whole thing showed me two things:

(1) he cheated..

(2)he don't care.

this was just one of his anger out burst and there is soo many i can relate to and i could probably count more than 10 times of the serious ones and about 40 times of the mild ones in 3 years.

he has moved on already and we never even broke up,i would never be surprise if he moved on a week after either.So my dear,3 months is great and i know how this must be painful for you but it's better this way for your sake.I must say hats off to you for moving away from that abusive relationship because it's gut wrenching and i can't even come to that part yet and today was that day for me to tell him that i can't continue and i haven't got the nerves yet but anytime before the week is up i would...

goodluck

lovehurts...