Submitted by jennalemon on 05/21/2012.
He said I call him a loser with a capital L on his head. I NEVER called him a loser. He said it was implied by the things I say and my tone. That used to shut me up while I contemplated if i do that or to defend myself. Today I had a great comeback. "Yes, maybe I do give you that feeling. Sorry. You are constantly silently calling me a bitch with a capital B on my head if you want to count "implied" talking. You are calling me a bitch when you do your "hang-dog stance" after I ask a simple question. When you look at me with daggers or walk away while I am trying to communicate. So that is what we think of each other the loser and the bitch?" We had to laugh.
funny
Submitted by smilingagain on
Jennalemon-
That sounds like a fun way to break a tough cycle... Glad you both got a laugh out of it. :)
Same here
Submitted by NJTWINMOM on
Same here...and excellent comeback, I must say. Will use it myself next time.
This isn't just about what
Submitted by SherriW13 on
This isn't just about what you are saying, it is about what he is feeling too. I can say 'the moon is made of cheese' and my husband feels I am calling him stupid or a loser or some equally ugly thing. The best way I have learned to deal with these COMPLETE LACK OF ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE moments is to say "I am sorry you feel that way, but you could not be further from the truth. I do not think you are stupid at all and if something I said made you feel that way, I am sorry" and then DROP IT. A) he needs to realize that HIS perception of what I am saying is off somehow B) I recognize that the things I am saying are making him feel that way and I acknowledge that and stop doing it and C) that it is something he needs to work on as well because his self esteem makes him always assume the worst/negative about everything. A lot of the times these things are taken to a level that neither of us are able to deal with...when the reality is that it is just simply a HUGE gap in how we perceive things and neither of us is wrong and neither of us is right. Listen to him when he says you make him feel like a loser...apologize for coming across that way to him...maybe, just maybe even ask him what it was that you said that made him feel that way..in ALL sincerity..not sarcastically...and then explain it wasn't your intention, don't try and explain it further, just apologize and be done with it. I don't want my husband to think I feel he is stupid, nothing could be further from the truth, but I also realize that engaging in these conversations with him, at the point where he's defensive, is pointless. It only causes more hurt for everyone.
Hmmm...
Submitted by BluAngel83 on
WOW...my wife says the same thing. You make me feel so stupid or what ever word she chooses to end it with. I think honestly, his self esteem is low to think that you say these things without words. It may be possible that he thinks that you feel that way about him because of his disability already and since he cannot do things the way you want them or he doesn't think he can do them correctly he thinks that you think he's a loser. My wife asked me this "Do you find me stupid?" and I asked her why would she say that...she says because these are things she should know how to do with no problem but she doesn't. I don't know if this helps or applies but I have my own trouble figuring my wife out most of the time.