My ADHD husband and I have had issues for years. He's always known he had it. He was diagnosed in the 80s-90s with ADD and took meds as a child. Somewhere a long the line he stopped taking meds and his mom just took care of everything. We were married when he was 27 and then I began taking care of everything.
Yesterday, during an argument, I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I'm tired of going 80% to his 20%. He said that he turned his decision making skills off when he met me... over 12 years ago because I created an environment where it was impossible for him to succeed and so he decided that he would just defer every decision, every aspect of our lives to me. He never communicated that. I'm really sorry he felt this way, but it feels like he's blaming me today for the problems he had with me the for the last 12 years and I'm being blindsided not having been told along the way.
I loved my husband. I'm not sure I do anymore, but I know at one point in time I loved him fiercely and I would've done anything for him. Had he articulated that my behavior was hurtful or not conducive to our life, I would've have changed my approach. It just feels really convenient now that we're on the brink of divorce to say.. well you did these things 12 years ago that I never told you about and they caused me to just shut my brain off and you because responsible for everything... your burnout is your problem, you did this.
I can't do this anymore.