he won't admit that he has a problem, any ideas?

my husband and i have been together for nearly 7 years now, we have 2 children together and i love him so much it surprises me. only just one problem - he has ADHD and won't admit it. he has been diagnosed, though not by a psychiatrist or anything so not officially, but he doesnt believe adhd is a legitimate condition even, so its impossible to get him to see it. he lives in his own little world, reality is another planet to him. he can't handle finances, he can't focus, he's never on time for anything, he doesn't understand other peoples emotions, if things dont go his way he sulks. he can concentrate almost obsessively on one thing for hours, then try to get him to do something else and he can't stay focused for more then a few minutes. he can't even watch one tv show for 20 minutes without changing chanels to check whats on the others, he cant remember stuff he said 10 minutes ago is terrible at showing emotion most of the time, cant manage himself doesnt even know how to do grocery shopping properly. if i leave him to take care of our children for more then 5 minutes i come back to find them begging for food/water, toilet training toddler crying because she wanted help with her undies and he didnt listen so shes wet herself, he doesnt clean up but he thinks he does and it drives me mad - not everything that goes with it, i can handle that. it drives me mad that i have to cope with all of it and he wont admit to it.

so my question is this: does anyone have any idea how i can help him manage this when he wont even admit its there? i love him, hes a good man despite his ADD. hes a great father - supervised anyway, and he tries so hard no one could possibly call him a bad father. hes a fantastic husband on the in between bits - hes so much of opposites. today hes been trying really hard because he made me cry yesterday without meaning to. im sure he loves me, just some days its hard to believe it when he says such hurtful things and then forgets hes said them and he seems to take a lot of what i do for granted, forever asking me questions like what do you do all day anyway?' (i stay at home with the kids and the house, he goes to work) i want our relationship to work but its so hard atm because im going through a lot of problems with my family and hes making it all about him - i dont know how, but he seems to expect me to be able to fix the fact that he is struggling to deal with my issues, which obviously makes my problem a lot harder. and yet somehow my main issue is that right now hes unhappy and i hate that. he needs to get out more, and im sure he would feel better if he felt like he was being helpful, but i cant get him to shift :/ i feel completely helpless right now, any ideas?

p.s.

also, our oldest daughter is showing the same symptoms. with a family history im pretty sure shes got it, but im not sure i want to take her to see someone - shes 5 years old, i dont know if she can/would be diagnosed so young, or if she would be medicated, but im not sure if i want my baby on meds so young :/ i have a friend who says that her son has been much better on the meds, but its going to be hard convincing my in laws that im not being stupid and overbearing - they all think that child is the easy one. they are willing to admit that she has exactly her daddys personality and attitude to life etc, but they insist that shes perfect and im just a bad mum. which basically leaves me wife and mother going out of my mind trying to help when no one is willing to help me but i know my family needs it. everyone elses methods of dealing with my daughter are simple - give her everything she wants. im the only person that gives her boundaries, am i doing something wrong?