I'm back with a real issue that I just don'y know what to do about. Even though I'm not in a relationship with anyone at the time nor am I looking for one...I still regard my family as a relationship and I've been carrying this around for too long now and need to let it go.
Recently....I was in a real jam and it was totally ADHF related. I take full responsibility for missing an automatic withdrawal in my bank account and found myself out of town with no money to get me home. I was really desperate and in a real situation so as my very last resort...I called my sister for help!!
Well...from memory...this is what she said.....
"(We) don't have that kind of relationship.....( you) are no different than you ever were. People don't change and you are like one of ( those ) poeple!!
I'm trying to be considerate but NO....I'm not going to help you."
Those poeple? Who are ( those ) poeple I wanted to ask?
This was the straw that broke the camels back and broke my heart for the very last time. My Nephew ( her son who I Live very much ) just got married but I called my brother in law and lied and made an excuse saying I was sick and didn't want anyone to catch my illness and ruin everyone' else's time.
The fact of the matter is....it didn't matter if I was there or not. I'm one of ( those poeple ) and I cannot get that out of my head.
That may have been the worst betrayal I have ever experienced in my life. It certainly told me what is most important.
I would have given the shirt off my back to a total stranger which as it turned out...the kindness of a stranger is what got me put of my jam.
It was the stark reality that I am truly all alone. No family, no relationship...I am completely and totally alone.
Except for GOD. In him...I am never truly alone.
Those poeple eh? I think my sister is a Narcissist too. Sad but true but conditional Love is the way my family works. As much as it breaks my heart to disengage...I feel I have to for my own well being.
Thanks for listening. I needed someone to tell this too and the poeple here have been so kind ...it was the first place I came.
FYI: I'm off my meds, stopped smoking, and am working on celibacy as my way of moving forward. No interest in any female relationships...I will make it alone and am determined to grow and advance in every regard.
I'm in the process of selling my home and most every possession I have. Cold Turkey...I making myself a free man.