Let me start by expressing my thanks for this forum. My wife of 20 years was recently diagnosed but I have had my suspicions forever. It wasn't until she recently had Covid that the ugliest side of ADHD reared it's ugly head.
She had a very bad experience with Covid and lost most of her senses for quit some time. Almost as soon as she recovered, she went into a hyper bucket list phase. I tried to be patient and understanding but when she had an affair that drew the line.
her premeditated affair, she claims was very impulsive and she absolutely couldn't stop wanting to do it. After the affair which happened an few months ago, I didn't find out until last week.. she claims she cut it off and couldn't understand why she did it and that she loved it and it would be hard for her to not do again. So we seemed medical advice.
last Thursday she went to the local medical behavioral place and was immediately told she would be more than probably have adhd and need medication, this of course has to be followed up my a test which we are awaiting to have done on the 15th of February. In the mean time they prescribed her 40mg of a non stimulating meditation. I have to admit it's helped her focus and calmed her all over the board thinking. I think this is going to be a long uphill battle. Until the 15th ... thanks for the support and I hope to gain lots of support here
Hello Sadinsavannah....
Submitted by c ur self on
First off I just want to say, I really feel for you!...Betrayal of a sexual nature is the hardest to move on from for most of us....(It would be for me)...When it comes to trust (an inability to not be able to trust), that's really a hard way to live in a marriage relationship....Something I've noticed about my wife (she is a high level add as well, and she takes adderall to help her focus, etc..) that really hinders her from moving forward with her struggles is her justification of her actions...It's very difficult for her (and it sounds like your wife as well) to comprehend her effects on others (spouse, children, friends, etc)...Just being around this site (plus 12 plus years with her) it seems many adder's like my wife have little to no capability to feel or show true remorse for their actions, no matter how sinful, intrusive or abusive those actions are....
How can you fix yourself, when you aren't sorry? (Have no true convictions to SEE the hurt you are inflicting on your spouse)....When a person's focus on life is all about them, to the point their satisfaction in life, will always supersede any ability to live accountable to their vows in the relationship, then any thing can and will happen....And it's basically no big deal for someone who don't care, or isn't capable of caring appropriately... (Self blindness) A person who lives life this away don't know how to FEEL hurt, pain, love, or true respect at a level that allows for real change, that's why year after year, we never experience any lasting change....When there is no conscience greater than a person's self, and their enjoyment in life, we should never trust, or be shocked by their actions.....
I guess without a conscience, anyone of us can get lost in selfishness to the point nothing else truly matters....We need a greater power, we need a conscience, we need to manage our life responsibility and with accountability, we need a tender heart....We need love and respect...Our hearts should be broken when we sin against one another....
Blessings friend..
c
Thank you for your response
Submitted by sadinsavannah on
Thank you for your response and for sharing I definitely need to hear al of that, let me ask does the adarol help with becoming snore sensitive to others needs.. affectionate ?
Adderall and affection....Not really....
Submitted by c ur self on
It really goes back to conviction, and/or hyper focus...There are many things that cause a person to like, or dislike affection in a marriage....If the relationship is suffering, the sex life is usually suffering also....Adders find things to hyper focus on that is self entertaining to them....These things are usually feast or famine for the spouse....(unregulated)...Easily addicted, but, can change like the wind....If sex is good in their minds, they will want it a lot!...If they are hyper focused on something else, then sex might not exist without an reminder, and even then they take on a victim mindset about it, if they perceive it as interrupting their entertainment focus...
Your original post about sex outside the marriage, is possibly related to sexual hyper focus, with no conscience, or concern great enough to override her carnal desires....The fact she can speak in detail about it, and is something she might do again, say's pretty much (dopamine/adrenalin related) to me, it's thrill seeking related, and that life is about me!
Just my thoughts
c
To sadinsavannah
Submitted by Brindle on
You have my deepest sympathies. The betrayal must surely be agony, especially when she said she isn't sure she wouldn't do it again...! I hope you may find comfort here at this site. It's a good group of men and women. And I hope the medication brings some sort of clarity to her thinking so that she may see herself clearly. Take care of yourself, as this has surely been so hard on you.