I am absolutely devastate and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. My husband has just been diagnosed with ADD (although I have wondered if he had it for a long time now). We have been married 3 years, together 5 and have a 2 year old daughter. I have never ever even considered divorce but I had never ever experienced the anxiety and stress of living with someone with ADD.
I work 2 jobs, almost solely run our own business, study part time, look after our 2 dogs, look after our 2 year old, clean the house, remember appointments, mow the laws, pick up the dog poos, scrub the decks when needed, research and purchase EVERYTHING we need/want, etc etc. Yes I think of EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING! And I am about to burst! I am so scared that if this continues I will no longer have any 'me' left. Yes he works full time (and continually reminds me 'I have no troubles and work - so it must be YOU with the problem'), and he looks after our daughter when I work and is a great father. He also does comply and do things when I ask. But I have to ask. Every time. For everything. Is there oil in the car? (he has blown up two of our cars engines by forgetting to out oil in'), have you filled the dogs water? have you set your alarm for work?, the list could go on and on. And if he does, by some miracle, actually remember to do something, he will call me (yes literally call me if I am not home) to see whether or not he should do it? This is just his way of trying to get out of it. I think the best way to describe him would be *a person who does the very most minimal in life so he can focus on himself and his own interests* (whatever that might be this week). We have tried counseling and the counselor actually said that she has never seen someone who talks so much about changing yet doesn't ever change.
He travel 1.5 hours on the train to and from work and not once does he look up anything we need to purchase for our business, our house, our car, anything. All of that is left for me to do when I stay up until midnight each night trying to get everything we need. Then he turns around and has the nerve to say to me, 'why dont you just chill out'??
And his anger is explosive. If I say one word that he deems wrong - he looses the plot and takes off in the car, buys some cigarettes (he doesn't smoke usually) and sits at the beach smoking all night then messages me the next day saying 'lets start fresh - I still love you'. He did this the other night and missed his 2 year olds birthday dinner. He does time everytime. It is so draining, and so predictable.
But you know why I cant leave? How the HELL can I leave my daughter with this man without me there to protect her??? He literally 'forgets' to put a blanket on her. Falls asleep every night on the lounge with no consideration of if she is warm enough, if the doors are locked, windows shut etc etc. There was a time where him 'foggy brain' scared me so much I was terrified leaving her with him. He takes her to his mates house where they do drugs, oh but he assured me they weren't going to do them in front of her!!!!! WTF?? But the worst? His father is a sexual freak. He grabs my bottom all the time and suggest what sort of underwear he would like to see me in etc. Of course my husband thinks that it is absurd when I suggest that this sort of man should NEVER be left by himself with him. He seems to have NO concept of wrong and right? Is this as ADD symptom?? How can I let him have her and not be there to protect her? I have to stay for this reason.. :(
I am so sorry to have blurted all this out. I just feel so alone and afraid and well stuck is the best word.
Also, please keep in mind that what I have told you here doesn't even scratch the surface. Our life is a walking accident with him.