Submitted by Robert Johnson on 01/09/2008.
I've been married for a year to a wife with diagnosed ADHD (since childhood) who is very comfortable with her diagnosis and feels she has a very firm grasp and control of her condition. It has become one of the scenarios discussed elsewhere ... since we have moved in she has never cleaned up her things, she is still unpacked from a trip 2 months ago. I do everything I can to keep everything I own put away and clean. We made a job list a few months back of who is responsible for what. I do mine consistantly and to her nagging specifications, she has yet to do the bulk of her jobs. She is currently unemployed but when I come home from 8 hours I honestly cannot tell anything has been done. She occasionally will do one small task but on the whole nothing happens. I try and talk with her ... but I always get told she is very busy and gets things done. The one time I didn't do my job for the week I got a lecture on how we both need to do our jobs. Any time I try and help or even suggest something with ADHD (which she loves to talk about and tell me how well she is in control) it ends ugly. She is on Adderall XR and I honestly think she's a nicer person when she is off of it (and gets more done). I really don't know what to do ... I am terrified what will happen when we have children and she runs our household. I have no problem working and helping with chores but i'm working full time, doing all the chores, I cook every meal and .... I'm usually the one in the doghouse. Can someone please suggest where she is and what I can do to help her understand the importance of this teamwork. If she is going to be the master of the household ... she needs to start doing it. The negativity and everything else is just mounting in our marriage. Thanks Bob, NY