Help... dealing with anger and adhd in marriage

I stumbled upon this website and can't stop reading the posts because it all sounds so familiar. I am sure my husband has undiagnosed adhd and am pretty much 100% positive that if he was a child growing up now that he would have been diagnosed and treated at a very young age. He has many of the symptoms and to a very high degree -- as a child, he struggled in school, was put in special ed classes because he was unable to focus and concentrate, impulse control problems, anger issues, inability to focus long enough to read a book. We have been married for almost five years and together for nearly ten. I have always known he had some problems but over the last few years, his anger issues have gotten to a point where I can no longer overlook it. To describe him overall, he cannot sit still - when he gets an idea or task in his head, he must complete it immediately and if it does not go perfectly, then he basically loses his mind. He has trouble following instructions. He gets extremely upset when something does not work correctly and once something sets him off, he cannot calm himself down. Most of his anger issues stem when something does not work properly, he will get angrier and angrier and the final result is whatever the offending item is ends up broken. I have seen many outbursts -- broken appliances, items thrown across the room, smashing his hand into things. I can see when the anger is starting and try to calm him down but when I try to interfere, then it ends up worse and I am called obscene names and sometimes pushed out of the way if I try to physically block him from doing something. After the incident, it is always the same story, he is very upset with his behavior, calls himself sick, and becomes so upset with himself. He tells me that I should give up on him and leave, that I can do better and that he is not worthy of me.  We talk things out and he promises to "try" better and we sometimes discuss him getting counseling help. The incident usually blows over though within a few days and we go on with life for a few months until another blow up occurs. At this point though, I feel as if I can no longer just go on as things are. We have two very young children. Overall, he is a wonderful father, very loving and involved with them. But I do not want them to grow up seeing this behavior and thinking this is normal and looking at how he treats me during his outbursts as a relationship example. I am scared of the thought of leaving. I do very much love him and 95% of the time things are wonderful. I love our family and being together, and I love seeing him with our children. Sometimes I feel like I am walking on eggshells though, trying to anticipate what will set him off and knowing deep down that I cannot stop it even if I know what the trigger will be. I'm scared that one of these outbursts will get out of control and he will hurt me. I have made an initial appointment with a psychologist for him and I truly hope and pray this is what he needs but I am afraid he won't follow through with it. I just don't know what to do and how to proceed.... if anyone has been in a similar situation, I would love some honest advice and feedback.

Are you living in my house?

Oh my gosh, really you could be living in my house.  I'm sorry I can't give you much advice, as I am starting on the same journey as you.  My husband was diagnosed approximately three weeks ago and we are not to the baby steps yet...more like a slow crawl.  I can totally relate to the "eggshells" and trying to anticipate the next blow up, one thing I have tried to do is take one step back from the situation.  Way easier said than done, but I cannot control his temper for him...he has to learn to do that for himself.  When I see him getting frustrated I ask if I can help and if he says no then I walk more eggshells because I am not trying to find a way to "fix it".  Maybe it isnt the right way to handle it, but it beats putting myself in the middle of the whole mess and making it worse.

Just remember we are all a work in progress.....((hugs))