I have been with my boyfriend for four years. He is 44. He has openly spoke about having ADD and he has the symptoms. Having said that I feel like it may be something more. He is always stressed. He has the worst explosive road rage I've ever seen. He blurts out horrible mean things to the point where I'm usually shocked and taken aback by what he says. He collects papers, post its and clutter. His house has become what looks like a "hoarders" place. He can't even live there anymore and essentially has in with me. He has started with this paper/clutter thing on my dining room table and I tried to gently bring it up to him and he screamed at me telling me that I don't know what it's like and that I don't help his Brian think clearly. His explosive anger is always disproportionate to the situation. I frequently feel like I'm on eggshells afraid of when he will explode next. He is chronically late and I don't mean a little late I mean like a party starts at 2 and he decides to turn on a movie and we go at 5. When I say we will be late he says "I don't stress about being on time like you do". He criticizes me constantly. He is loud and I mean really loud. He slams doors runs up the steps and the walls shake. He doesn't like to be touched most of the time. When I try he says "get off that's annoying". He proscrastinates like I've never seen and he will start something or a lot of little things and never finish them. He stays up almost nightly to 3 or 4 am.... And the worst of it is sex. We don't really have normal sex. What typically happens is he grabs me in my area and it's not gentle and then gets frustrated very very quickly because I'm not able to perform immediately or that hurts me. And then he gives up and gets pissed or angry and tells me I have a problem and I need to fix it. I fully admit I am not the girl who can just have sex without intimacy or foreplay and when I try to explain that he says "you always have an excuse" " if I cheat you will know why" or "you need to get help" he doesn't know how to talk rationally or calmly about anything... It is always anger. When we first started dating I felt differently. He paid more attention and was kinder. We broke up two other timses and when we got back together it was always great and then ends up like this again.
Im sorry for the rambling however my question is... Is this ADD only? This seems like so much more than the symptoms I read on websites and books. It seems like verbal abuse or just plain out self centered selfish behavior. One time I convinced him to go to the doctor and he went but the doctor downplayed and said he had add too so my boyfriend didn't feel like it was a big deal... I've never been able to convince him to go back. I am miserable and don't know what to do. I feel bad for him and love him when he is "normal".... But normal keeps moving farther and farther away....please help. I don't know what to do and I spend every day looking up symptoms of other disorders like bipolar or borderline personality dosorder and he has those symptoms too. Am I right to think that medication could make things 100 percent better. I find myself becoming a mute and just living in my head because I'm so afraid if say anything for fear of the explosion over nothing that will ensue....thanks