I'm stepping out on a limb here as I never wrote on a forum. Too much to say, but I'm a 38 yr old male with a wife and 8 yr old son. I "divorced" my entire family, have no one in my life from the first 26 yrs of my life, and have no friends close enough to reach out to. I'm the one with ADHD and my wife is a therapist and complete opposite of ADHD. My son has it as well, we're both medicated and I'm in weekly talk therapy. My wife is going thru a major depressive episode mostly due to financial trouble I put us in two years ago and the pandemic. We've been working hard ton things and Covid hasn't helped. We both own our own businesses and she out on a medical leave.
Tonight, without thinking, I made a crack that, "well I have to fire my therapist because he likes a rival big ten school." Her good mood turned a 180 and she nearly had an anxiety attack. Quiet until later on (we stayed in separate rooms), she called me to the basement and told me she hated me over and over and that I am a f------ piece of s--- and that I'm the reason she wants to kill herself and that I should do the manly thing for my family and go kill myself so they can have the $1M life insurance payout to not have to deal with me anymore. She then said she couldn't be certain in her fits of anger what she would do to me (murder).
I felt awful on my thoughtless comment and got so mad at myself for always screwing up my progress. Every time my work shows progress I do something to erode that. I'm so lost and need support during the week between sessions because I don't know who to turn to.
I'm desperate to save my marriage and strengthen my family because a divorce would be devastating on all of us, especially my son.
What she is doing is not okay.
Submitted by Dagmar on
I'm going to start there. Your wife should not be threatening you.
That said, what are you doing to get out of the financial situation you put her in? I have definitely been in her shoes (as the non-ADHD spouse) and I know how horrible it can be. You work so hard and every time you think you're getting ahead, you find some other nonsense has knocked you back even farther. Are you working at all? Are you actively looking for a better-paying job?
I don't want to be harsh, because you are also in a bad situation, but you haven't mentioned what you're doing to fix the situation you caused two years ago.
Can you talk to your therapist?
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Maybe your wife was overcome with rage, but those are really serious things to say. I think you should tell a professional who knows your situation - either your therapist or family doctor. Maybe you both need more frequent help or a different kind of support in addition to therapy. You both sound at a breaking point and it's hard to do the hard work in that state.
In the longer run, maybe you can look at getting employed for a steady paycheck vs. running your own business and she'll return to work too. But right now, please tell a professional what's going on so everyone stays safe and has the support they need. ♥️
Do the simple things to make your life better.....
Submitted by c ur self on
There are people who shouldn't be together, and there are people who shouldn't live in the same space with another person...There are mind types that will only produce a productive life style when there is no other adult in the picture...A peaceful and productive life is much more important for each of us, than attempting to force a life situation that will always be poison to both parties...(not to mention the suffering of any children) You and your wife's actions seem to be saying you only have destructive (self/ and to one another) abilities attempting to live in the same space...
You lose, she loses, and the innocent child loses....
You have gotten good advice here about about seeking help, and seeking a regular paying job...But only you can help you, and only your wife can help herself, by accepting what you are doing isn't working, and is only producing the dysfunction you have typed on your post...(mental and emotional destruction)...It don't matter if she is truly capable of hurting you are not....What matter's is that you are man enough to SEE the pain she and you are in, and do something about it...No one is going to sweep into your home and lives, and magically put you both into healthy productive situations, and state of minds...It's up to you two!
I will pray for you all...
c