Help, im alone tired and losing myself.

My story is so long but ill try shorten as much as possible.

Im 30 married to my husband for 10 yrs we have two beautiful daughters and built a life together. My husband was diagnosed with adhd when he was 8.

In the early years of our marriage my husbund was abusive, i left come back and so on.

The physical abuse stopped but the last 2yrs our marriage is struggling. He spends lots of time with his mates and i totally agree that even when in a partnership you need your own time the thing i dont like is that they invest there time in the strip bars alot as in three times somtimes more a week. Ive always had no problem with him going to these things but i do now that it has become like a habit, to make things worse ive caught him out lying about actions that have happened and him adding all the strippers on snapchat and talks to them regualy. I tell him im hurt by this but he doesn't have any empathy at all towards it he just says im not doing anything wrong, i would never cheat on you and it makes me feel as if i shouldn't bring it up. i use to have lots of trust before the lies.

I have no doubt that im depressed have anxiety and now insecure. Ive been going to counciling and it does help makes me realise alot of things, i poor my heart out to him about our life and what my expectation are for the future and our family he will agree and tells me he loves me but it seems he does somthing sweet and makes progress but then does somthing really nasty and childish and its almost feels international.

He is really hurtfull with things he can say and then takes no responsibility telling me im being silly and i need to get over it... im not a yelling person hate it makes me feel uneasy but hw yells at me when im sad strait away on defense if i say somthing upset me. feels to me he puts everyone before us especially himself. I have hate and frustration towards him now because im trying as hard as i can but he sees there is no problem with our relationship and it there is its all me he will say that im just depressed and going though a hard time. He booked himself an appointment to see a councillor but never went and hasn't rebooked, ive asked once and he said he needs to rebook but still hasn't and i haven't pushed the issue as i want us to work and not nag and agrivate him. He says he will do what ever it takes to make our marriage work but when i tell him things i think Will help and try set healthy boundarys he just continues to do the behaviour that makes me sad.

I feel crazy some days and question myself, i love him and just wish he would see how he hurts me and it's effecting our family i feel alone. I ask him what i can do to help him but he just brushes it off.

I feel im at my wits end and feel now as if i need to get myself better for me and my girls but torn because i love him how can ypu love when you aren't treated with respect... i have seen slight improvements and i know tjings cant change overnight but im confused as to what i want. I dont want to leave but it feels as if i almost have to for my sanity now and for our kids.

Please advise needed please no nasty judgement