I've left my H almost two months ago. I'm not here to say leave but I am here to ask beg you to check out some of these counselors online: Patrick Doyle (you can watch his videos on YouTube) or check out his website Pathway to Hope. Leslie Vernick also vids on YouTube and a website. Natalie Hoffman of Flying free Sisterhood. Natalie and Leslie have some excellent books. They don't "advocate" divorce but don't discount it either. They have many topics in boundaries and how to stay well or how to leave well. How to grieve how to build your core strength. How to know if change is real or just love bombing. How to understand the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. How to become stronger in your own value etc. these are all faith based but will be helpful to anyone no matter what your beliefs unless of course you are completely anti faith then maybe not. Also check out Melania Evans I believe her name is. PLEASE! It will help you recognize the abuse you are in and things will begin to become clear.
Hope you are well sister....
Submitted by c ur self on
Patrick Doyle is awesome!....Got a lot of his talks saved.....Also a plug for the book "Safe People" it's required reading for people who have people pressure's (esp. spouses and other adults) being place on you....
c
Thanks
Submitted by anteight on
C
i am doing well considering:). Actually stronger and more at peace than I think I have been ever. It's a hard road but it's a road to freedom. Patrick has helped me so much in realizing what I lived with. Not just my current marriage but my marriage to my kids father. 25 years of emotional abuse takes a toll for sure. I'm learning to lean on the real Jesus. Not the one I've learned all my life.
I hope you are well too my friend! Has she moved out yet?
It's lovely to get peace back!:)
Awesome...
Submitted by c ur self on
The real Jesus goes Vertical, when c ur self goes Horizontal...She is staying tucked away in the guest room, (Pigsty) comes out from time to time, and engages like ever thing is fine... But she knows it isn't...
bless u
c
Moving out
Submitted by sickandtired on
C, I have been reading your posts for a long time, and I have always admired your patience and kindness toward your wife. You sacrificed your own needs in order to honor your marriage vows. I have a question for you. What will you do if she makes no effort to move out, and is content to just live in your guest room like a roommate? My ex boyfriend lived in the guest room in my house, and refused to leave. It took months to finally get him out of my home, only to find that he had broken in and began living in my vacation house without my knowledge or consent... and he had no excuse like the virus lockdown we are currently experiencing. So my question is, do you have a plan if she ultimately refuses to move out and move on?
Hello Sickandtired....
Submitted by c ur self on
My plan is never make a plan (LOL, just kidding)....But because I want to honor her and her rights, I will hopefully be patient and long suffering....She is my wife and I do love her....So we will see, I think once she realize's I will never trust her again (in her current state of heart and mind) or engage her in any way that puts me in her disrespectful line of fire...I think she will do one of two things....Once it's just her, w/ no one to blame, I think she will move out and try to find peace with the fact she could never accept life as a wife...(Something she felt was out of her control, something she had to submit herself to with blind trust)....
Or, she will experience a death of sorts....She will decide to forfeit this life of selfishness that she feels in control of....She will cry out for help, and she will go on a late life search for new abilities...One's where her priorites change...One's that will allow her to experience rest in loving others, and trust in God's plan for 2 to be 1...The desire to submit, to love and be loved by one man...
So sickandtired we will see....I will continue to pray for her....And give her space to choose her paths...She's not bothering me....I have no more expectations....I'm learning to stop helping God...He can handle it....I want be looking over her shoulders....My trust is in him alone....At least that's my desire, and my pray for myself.....
I hope you are well, Bless you!
c
I’m fine thanks
Submitted by sickandtired on
Thank you C. I am at very high risk of contracting the virus due to my asthma, high blood pressure, and heart disease. My wonderful husband is bravely going out alone to run all of our errands so that I won’t be exposed. I would never have met him if I had let my adhd ex stay in my home. I wish for you to someday have a partner who cares for you this way, the way you deserve to be cared for.
Re Resources
Submitted by pochipig on
Anteight, that is exactly what I need! Thank you so very much. I have made up my mind to leave, or rather, ask him to leave the home and move forward with separation/divorce. What I am in need of is exactly the kind of stuff you wrote about above. It's seemed hard to find resources that help with the leaving part. Most I have read are trying to get people to stay with their ADHD spouse and say how wonderful and rewarding it an be. Yeah, right! I am growing tired of reading self help books that keep suggesting how the NON-ADD person needs to bend and mold around the way the ADD brain works. And I am just not doing that anymore, especially when the ADD abuse continues to happen. I am going to check out these resources RIGHT NOW!!!!
Resources
Submitted by anteight on
You are welcome! They have helped me begin to be a better version of me!!!! I too was exhausted trying to pretzel my being into their world. You know what it did? Made us roommates and made me suicidal! And it got worse and worse the more I tried to let go!
be free!