I've left my H almost two months ago. I'm not here to say leave but I am here to ask beg you to check out some of these counselors online: Patrick Doyle (you can watch his videos on YouTube) or check out his website Pathway to Hope. Leslie Vernick also vids on YouTube and a website. Natalie Hoffman of Flying free Sisterhood. Natalie and Leslie have some excellent books. They don't "advocate" divorce but don't discount it either. They have many topics in boundaries and how to stay well or how to leave well. How to grieve how to build your core strength. How to know if change is real or just love bombing. How to understand the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. How to become stronger in your own value etc. these are all faith based but will be helpful to anyone no matter what your beliefs unless of course you are completely anti faith then maybe not. Also check out Melania Evans I believe her name is. PLEASE! It will help you recognize the abuse you are in and things will begin to become clear.