New to posting here. My husband has ADD, I do not. I could ramble on for hours/days/months about the issues in our marriage, but frankly, you know them. You live them too. So I won't ramble on, even if I'd like to.
I am currious if others with ADD partners find that they can be over helpful at times? In the completely wrong ways?
I can ask/beg/yell/cry for his help with the day-to-day tasks/chores and nothing changes. Yet, when I'm in the middle of doing something and have it under control, he wants to be in my space helping. Example: Yesterday we stopped at the store to pick up a few things. We didn't have much, so we used a self checkout. Those kiosks are small. We had about 5 - 7 items, so I was just going to grab them from the cart, scan, bag, pay, leave. No big deal. Yet, he physically inserted himself. I almost smacked him on accident because he shoved himself between me and the kiosk and I didn' t know he was there (I was in front of the computer, reaching into the cart, when I turned to scan, he was RIGHT there.) I asked him to move over, then he throws his hands in the air: "I'm just trying to be helpful" and plays the "I can't do anything right" game. I'm tired of the "I can't do anything right" game, so I just asked him to please stop.
When we got to the car, I was calm and tried to explain that he is often overly helpful in the wrong ways. What I need his help with are things like chores, going to work on time every day, and him going to therapy. We have had the same discussion about these 3 things I need from him for 7 years. (he is taking medications, but not going to therapy and he NEEDS the therapy. I even had my therapist help me find someone for him, he says they are playing phone tag. That's another story for another time.). I don't need his help when I have things under control, and he knows I will ask him if I do need help. Yet when I ask, he ignores me. When I don't ask it's like he's just putzing around in my way.
I think it has really just dawned on me that he does this. I'm already frustrated with him, so, while this is truly a very small thing, it's just feeding my own frustration.
I don't want/mean to be a b***h. I can state very simply, "I am overwhelmed, I need your help" and tell him what I need help with. Offer to help him get more organized, gvie suggestions of using the calendar on the wall or on his phone, etc. And it goes ignored. But man, when there's something small that I'm doing that requires zero assstance... he's RIGHT THERE. I just wonder if others have this experience as well?
I know this is a small thing. I guess I'm just at my wits end right now, overly frustrated by the lack of help with the big picture, you know?