My husband and I meant almost ten years ago. From the moment I met him I knew he was the one. He was charming, handsome, social, outgoing, and incredibly artistic. He was the most sensitive man I had met, adored me, and I felt connected in ways I had never experienced.
Then everything changed....it started when we moved in together, he was incredibly impulsive with money and I was lending him money all the time. He would often run out of gas, forget to pay his bills, forget to take his cell phone, and then I started to realize he was incredibly obsessive about routines, picking up after people, and seemed to not have appropriate social behavior with his constant interruptions, blurting out inappropriate comments, and could not recognize body language. I always said he was consistently inconsistent.
I became unexpectedly pregnant and it got worse. He could not understand pregnancy hormones and emotions and often belittled me. I would often have times of depression, frustration, etc. while pregnant and was not the happiest of people. But I admitted it, I accepted it, I desperately tried to control it, and often apologized. It didn't help, he still had no patience for me and we constantly argued...being pregnant was the worst experience of my life. I gained 100 pounds, was miserable, felt alone and isolated.
We have been married for three years and I feel so alone. It's like we speak different languages and he cannot seem to understand other peoples points of view. He is controlling and forces himself onto others by expecting the to do what he wants. His interruptions are extreme, I often tell him I that my frustration is so intense because I never can finish a sentence with him. He calls it an interjection, as if it rationalizes his behaviors.
He deflects and blames others, and I am at the top of the list. He tells me I am nagging, have anger issues, and that no one except for me has ever had a problem with his behavior. He was single until the age of 42 and was not in a long term relationship prior to me. He does not follow through with most things, takes forever to accomplish tasks, and refuses to get help.
He argues incessantly with our 7 year old. Our son is smart, intelligent, and clearly can see his father is not normal. It angers our son and he lashes out, my husband blames our son for being a spoiled brat instead of recognizing that our son is having a reaction to my husbands controlling and inappropriate behavior. My son and I can be together for hours without a disagreement or fight, my husband doesn't last 10 minutes. He claims our son argues and just doesn't listen to him because they spend more time together (SAH dad). Really, it is because my son has not yet developed the emotional maturity to deal with an ADHD father.
He has a short temper and a chip on his shoulder. If anyone confronts him about his behavior, he will accuse them of attacking him, he becomes defensive, nasty, and then pretends like it never happened and he never behaved in that manner.
I am angry. Alone. Feeling helpless and hopeless. I know I don't respond well to him, but I really have reached my limit. I want to make this work, but don't know where to start.