I am one of you. I have recently become one of those people who just learned the answer to "why". Why is our marriage so difficult? Why can't I make him happy any more? Why does he act so angry all the time? Why is he so insecure? There are so many "why questions". The discovery of the answer to why was wonderful but the moment of understanding and hope almost immediately disappeared. I'll try to put 30 plus years in a nutshell for you. My hope is that I will receive some helpful recommendations.
Apparently, a little over a year ago my husband decided that he might have ADD. He discussed this with his GP and was prescribed Vyvanse. He did not tell me this. Recently, due to a medical emergency he had to list all of his medications prior to treatment. I was familiar with most of his meds that he has taken for years for anxiety, depression, pain, etc. the only new one mentioned was the Vyvanse. Oddly enough I had recently read a book written by someone with ADD. While reading it I found similarities in my husband's behavior. A few days after the medical emergency I asked my husband if his doctor had diagnosed him with ADD. He said yes. I said when? He said, a year ago. WOW! So, I was immediately hopeful that with this information, that answers so many of the "why questions" we could improve our relationship, finally. The husband suggested I read and learn about ADD so we could talk about it. I did just that. However, on several attempts to talk about it I was informed that his medication is helping him very well in doing his job and that he only has a mild disorder and that he is fine now and that I am not to discuss this with anyone. So, there went my glimmer of hope. I have continued to read and learn but now even with much knowledge and understanding, I can recognize the traits but my husband is not interested in trying to work on problems he does not acknowledge.
There are some things that are not typical. For example, my husband is extremely intelligent, hard working, very organized, very clean and well groomed, well respected by peers and people in general. He is empathetic and caring and at times very generous. Manages money like a financial planner and has an excellent credit score. I strongly suspect that one of his additional traits is OCD. Over the years I have always thought he was what some might call a "high maintenance" husband. But, I have dealt with many of the same feelings of abandonment, and being ignored, etc. The meds he was taking prior to the Vyvanse sometimes made him angry, irritable and just plain mean. Being who I am, I always made excuses and forgave him because of his high pressure career and the extreme amount of time it required of him. I have made excuses for too many things.
So, here I am venting to all of you. I am violating the order not to discuss this with anyone but I absolutely need to know, what now?