Yet again I feel we are back where we started. We took and completed the couples seminar from here and I honestly thought we were both working hard to keep our marriage on track and were being open an honest with ourselves. Yet here I sit after Dh decided to unleash a torrent of how bad I am, how I don't like or love him, how he feels I control all aspects of how we live. So I ask ok what exactly am I stopping or controlling anything we do? No answer!! I ask and check in every couple of weeks if he is feeling good about us, I respectfully say At the time if he's being distracted or rude. Why does he feel it necessary to "save up" what he feels are bad behaviours on my part and unleash them in a torrent months and months after they happen? Then he's so angry there's no talking. I feel blindsided again. It was literally a week ago when I checked in and spoke to him about our relationship and as far as I was concerned hos answer of "I think we're communicating well, we're being intimate and things are going great, I feel appreciated and happy" was the truth! Why say it and a week later tell me I don't love him?? I hit 40 yesterday. I don't want to be doing this for the next 20 years, having the same conversation over and over. Melissas course is brilliant, it has taught me so much about myself. The boundaries I havr set for myself help me every single day. However also they leave me with a tough decision. Do I stay and hope for the best and try and be patient, and hope that he can learn not to go along and manipulate situations so he can avoid any kind of difficult conversation, or do I cut my losses and get out while I'm still surrounded by friends who support me and love me. I keep pointing out I am with him because I love him and want to he with him. I'm tired of being told that's not true. I'm unsure why he a) thinks that at all and b) if he truly thinks it, and isn't just saying it to lash out - why would he stay with.someone whom he believed has no love for him.
This forum is great on one hand and on the other I see so many of you dealing with.this for years and years. We have been together for 13 years almost and after yesterday I'm left feeling we are no further on as a couple than before we started the counselling. I'm not perfect, I slip up, I thought the point of communication was to be respectful, and if slip ups in anything happen then we can talk. I've begged him to point out if I show parenty behaviour to tell me. But he never does unless he's saved up 6 months worth of things to be pissed off over. That's not communication in my book