So I have had many of the same experiences riding the rollercoaster of ADHD as many of you. I am the spouse of someone with ADHD. I am not going to get into specifics because I am simply tired of thinking about the specifics. My spouse has put me though financial disaster, emotional exhaustion, even physical abuse (that is one of the toughest to swallow). I am beat down and physically exhausted...even developed psoriasis and a very low immune system due to all the stress. It has affected my job and overall self worth. I am exercising now and trying to find myself and my joyful self again. I was honest with my boss about the stressful situation at home and she has been very supportive in allowing me to go to counseling appointments. My husband has been "getting help" for his ADHD over the period of the last 8 months, so I held on hoping that he would get the help he needs and be the great person I have seen glimpses of in the past. He is finally on medication, though it is not the right kind for him (I am not a psychiatrist, but am living with the guy), and he is seeing a ADHD counselor (I have met with the psychologist once and he seems like a good fit for my husband). The progress has been non-existent at this point because my husband thinks that being on medication and seeing a counselor once every two weeks means he is getting better (while at the same time avoiding doing any actual work in his daily life regarding the ADHD management). He thinks the medication helps him focus more, so he is doing great. He is so far off in left field, I don't how to get through to him that he is actually worse than before. "Clueless with ADHD" is far less dangerous to me than "confidently in denial with ADHD". Both suck.
Basically I hope that he gets help and can live a productive and happy life. We have a wonderful son whom we both treasure. I just can't see spending my life with this guy, even if he gets help. I have already been through so much and don't think I can ever love him again. We could co-parent successfully, but I know that life is way to precious to spend it being a support pole. I don't want to sound selfish, I am filled with guilt, but I have this overwhelming sense of "no way" when I think of spending my life with him. My gut says to leave, but I don't want to mess up his therapy. He barely works, so I feel terrible about making him leave with no place to go. He lives a life with many expenses and little means. We moved for my job, so I feel bad about that too. He had to leave his business, but it was probably on the verge of crumbling anyhow (he had to pay $6000 to a customer in a lawsuit, was dismissed from some of his contracting services, and was starting to really make his current customers mad). Any thoughts?