My ADHD husband suddenly and unexpectedly passed away three weeks ago at the age of 57. There will forever be unresolved issues that I will have to find a way to let go of now. So many things I don't understand about all of his negative behaviors and actions.
I swing between being swallowed up with grief and extreme anger. His life was always chaos and so it remains so in his death. Dozens and dozens of unfinished house projects, many of them major and will be costly to have finished. Boxes upon on boxes of his papers to sort through. A basement, garage and a shed full of so much junk and in such disarray that repair services won't come in to fix an electrical issue. I've been advised to seek the services of a professional service to sort through it all. Most of it is worthless. Even though I took care of our monthly bills, he kept other things a secret, using his work email for our life insurance and retirement accounts, which his employer deleted upon the notification of his death and there's no access to those emails now. The mortgage company tells me he didn't turn in the proper paperwork when we refinanced our home in the Spring, he hadn't returned any of their messages or returned the corrected documents and now there will be legal issues with our home and the deed. I don't know where I'll even be living six months from now, the court will have to sort it out. There are constant fires to put out and a paper trail to chase down to get things in order. His family and adult children didn't want any part of his memorial service or give any input into what they would like. Only one of his family called, none of them sent flowers and none of his family offered condolences or even sent a card. He alienated himself and to a degree he alienated me from friends and family because of his negativity...And all the lies he told. We talk about the issues and chaos when they're alive but no one talks about the ramifications and unresolved issues after their death. He's gone now, forever, but the chaos remains in the midst of the grief.