Hi and so pleased to have found this space. I have never reached out like this before but I am feeling so broken. A long story short - I've been living with my bf of 3 years who has recently been diagnosed as having ADHD, like just last week.
He has moved to his sisters and finally gone to the doctors. We both have to move out of the home I have had for 10 years because finances have gotten so out of control, rent couldn't be paid and its all in my name and now I am being evicted.
In the beginning, he was so amazing and attentive - completely swept me off my feet - buying me a ticket to go to Corfu with him for a month, when I arrived nearly everyone I met (tiny village) tld me how excited he was about my coming to stay with him (he was working away there for the summer)....we ended up staying for 3 months and the intense lovingness started to slip away. I understand this to bethe hyperfocus thing now, I have read so much about everything - I am trying very hard to make sense of what has happened and understand.
I thought the stress of making ends meet abroad was the cause initially of our arguments, so I suggested we came back to UK and to my place - I loved him so much, I wanted to help...idk
He has had huge rage type meltdowns, literally screaming spitting in my face over the tiniest things. Has repeatedly blamed for pretty much any shortcoming he has - this happens every few days and I have been walking on eggshells and trying so many different things to help him organise his business. Everytime he hasn't applied himself and then raged at me for it - I've been completely dumbfounded and the arguments and shouting and berating have made me an anxious wreck. Everything has become complete chaos and I am a shaking mess, but he has this diagnosis now and I am hurting so much that he can't look back and say sorry.
He calls the arguments 'upsets'. I call them rage meltdowns - I have watched him punch himself in the head on one occasion and tear off his own t-shirt on another. Around this time last year I had a miscarriage that had various complications and he screamed at me outside of the hospital. He just writes it off saying he was 'hangry'. But it was so bad that a woman stopped her car near me and asked if I was ok and needed a ride out of there. I developed septicemia and had to have surgery - he actually was pretty nasty to me when I came out of there too - yet stayed by side the whole time. I get so confused because he can literally be screaming at me then 5 mins later come and stroke my hair and be like its never happened.
I've been so scared at times, and I have gotten so depressed it unreal - I hardly recognise myself anymore. Everything bad that happens is my fault in his eyes, anything he doesn't do oh just everything. Even asking a simple question could set off a tirade. I stayed because every now and again I see the glimmer of the person I met and fell for and my pot of hope is ridiculously big, until recently. I stayed too because its my house, or was. Slowly everything has turned into chaos, he insisted on handling the finances and is unapproachable to talk about money - I have helped him in his business and work affectively for meals. Havent had any of my own money for such a long time - I had forgotten my pin number at the cashpoint the other day! I begged to help budget but its always thrown in my face and he blames all financial problems onto me and calls me a user and a loser becuase I am struggling to keep up with running my own business because I have practically lost the urge to get out of bed in the morning. He shouts at me that I am sex starving him because I dont want to just suddenly have sex, but I don't feel sexy anymore, I feel depressed and more like a parent than a SO.
Now he has been diagnosed, its like everything that has happened doesn't matter, but I am left here completely reeling - he seems happy, and I am for him that he can start to improve the quality of his life. I am devastated that he cannot see or acknowledge the affects it had had on our relationship and living situation. I thought I was going crazy.
If you've read this, thank you for taking the time. I hope you can make some sense of it, I'm not feeling like I being very coherent and keep bursting into tears all the time.