I just started reading these forums - and so many of the problems and complaints I completely identify with, as my husband has ADHD. He doesn't spend indiscriminately or rack up debt & is very driven, but he's still making me absolutely insane. He constantly takes on projects that aren't absolutely necessary at the expense of family time, the latest being a house search (we live in a perfectly fine house, could use something larger, but this could have definitely waited) instead of spending time with our newest child, complains about how many things he has on his to-do list, complains that he can't get anything done, stays up all night...ARGHHHH! What makes this trickier is that he is successful, he does make decisions that in the end, generally turn out well, so he always says, "see, I was right, wasn't it worth it?" But in the process, he's destroying our marriage. The most perfect house in the world won't bring back the first few months of our son's life that he was completely oblivious to, and it won't revive our marriage. I am so tired of repeating myself ten times a day, only to have him snap at me when he finally registers that I'm talking. I'm sick of spending every meal watching him read a magazine or the paper while I feed our baby and 3 year old. I'm sick of watching our oldest try to get his father's attention while he stares into space. I have to wake him up every morning - even when I was getting 4 hours of sleep due to the baby's reflux, I still had to wake up my husband...and leave the kids at the breakfast table to go back and wake him up again...and again. Time - forget it. He operates on his own clock & is chronically late, because I "worry too much" and he has "plenty of time."
The worst is that when I bring these things up, I'm the nag, I have no common sense, am worthless, etc. I'm really questioning whether this is worth it. It's been this bad for our entire marriage, with short periods of OK times. I thought it was better to stick it out because of our children, but I'm starting to wonder whether our terrible example of marriage is really better than having divorced parents.