My husband and I are 35. He was diagnosed with ADHD 6 months ago. We married at 22, right out of college. He is a genius, who did very well at a top-notch college (at that time, top 15) despite putting little effort into his studies. Being young when we married, I believe I was reasonable at that time to believe that he would do well in life because of his obvious academic talents. I graduated from the same top school as my husband, also doing well, but deep-down all I ever really wanted to be is a mother who was the glue behind a great family and a confident man. It is not about the money. I was raised middle-class, and would have been perfectly happy staying there. He is well aware of all of this - we have discussed these facts the entire time we've been married (and before).
Well, fast-forward 13 years . . . we put off having children because we somehow knew the stability wasn't really there. I have 2 graduate degrees, I am a successful attorney, and I have made 95%+ of the money over the course of our relationship. I am a capable and well-liked person, which is why I fell a**-backward into great (i.e. high paying) jobs over the years - it is NOT because I am particularly career-oriented in any way. He has basically drifted through life, trying desperately to hang onto retail management jobs very sporadically over this time period. We were getting older and both really wanted children . . . he seemed to have some kind of epiphany - after toying with the idea of going into academia (which would really suit him, but would take forever to attain), he decided he was really going to focus on his career and just making money for the family so that I would eventually not have to work so much. Ok, so he became a real estate agent and did really well at it for a while - just long enough for us to think it would be a great idea to go ahead and get pregnant. So, now we have a 2 year old daughter who is precious and perfect and the light of our lives. But of course the real estate thing fizzled out, I burned out at my job, and he was diagnosed with ADHD, all around the time when we were supposed to be trying to have our 2nd child, which we still really both want, even though we are driving each other crazy right now.
I decided that I could not go on with such a stressful job, and am now working for a more low-key firm, which of course means less money. That's fine, as long as he cooperates with downsizing our lives a bit, which he's done ok at so far, but sometimes his symptoms work against it - the impulse buys, damaging/not taking care of our property, etc. He is not working. He feels that his treatment is his work, and that he is not ready yet. To be fair, he does have really severe adult-ADHD - all of his team of ADHD professionals have commented that he is their "worst" patient (worst symptoms, not least cooperative or anything like that). He plans to go back to school to prepare him for some kind of ADHD-related career (like counseling or special ed teacher), which I totally support. However, I feel like this is taking forever. He is progressing well with his treatment and doing a lot better with tasks around the house. I understand he does not want to jump into another "career" type job too hastily, then have to change later because he chose the wrong thing - that would be a waste of time for all of us. But the dude is a genius - surely he could find something to do in the meantime (before he goes back to school) that would contribute a little financially - intellectually there would be many jobs that would be so easy for him, like test prep instructor, or tutor, or delivery driver (he loves driving and listening to lectures or the radio). Why won't he contribute financially?! I am so exhausted (mentally and physically) from supporting this family all of these years! I know he will get on the right track eventually (his treatment really is going in the right direction), but geez, give me a break! I have been so patient and supportive here - throw me a damn bone! And I really want that 2nd baby, like now. I am getting too old to have another after much longer! His parents are being very supportive (including financially), but I do not feel right taking money from them for very long when I am capable of working (even if it will kill me).
Any similar experiences out there that turned out well? Please say yes. I love my husband and our family. I'm just sooooooo tired of working so hard, and I want to be able to focus more on our home life, including adding that 2nd child. We are both great parents, but I would like to be there more than I am now.