So my husband is ADHD even though he hasn't been formally diagnosed. He knows it, I know it, there is no question.
He works from home and has a great job in sales, spends a lot of time on the phone, but also has decent down time as well. Slow days to watch tv, browse the internet etc, while a lot of very nonstop days on sales calls, and the occasional meeting he travels to in his territory.
Anyway, I am very much NOT ADHD and a extremely organized. I always handle all personal stuff during the work day at lunch - eat, balance my checkbook in Excel, pay bills, make doctor appointments, run to the dry cleaner, etc., whatever. That's my time, work permitting, to take an hour a couple times a week to get things done.
So this happens all the time - if there is something important between us, letting him know what he owes for something bills-wise, an appointment to make, etc., or if I just have a question about something, I will email it to him during that getting things done time.
Like anyone I may email during the work day, I of course never expect anyone to respond....why would I? They're at work! So anyway, for the five years we've been together it's like, let's say I go home at night and at like 8:00 I remember something I emailed him about, so to start off addressing it, I will phrase it "Did you see the email about X?" like, PURELY to know, before talking, whether he has read the email and I can address it one way, or if he never read the email then I will explain it from the beginning. Makes sense, right?
ANY TIME i say this he will go on a rant about how yes, he saw it, and he doesn't have time to respond to my emails during the work day, and gets mad/irritated. I will try to explain I wasn't saying that in a sarcastic or accusatory "why didnt you respond to my email" tone, i was saying it as a preface so I knew whether to explain it or pick up from the end of the email. I DONT KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I CAN EXPLAIN THIS without him jumping to this conclusion like hes this victim, like i am harassing him to email me back during the day. It makes me so angry when he pulls it out in some random fight like "and god forbid I dont respond to your emails during the work day!" and I want to beat my head against the wall bc I HAVE NEVER ONCE EVER goven ANYONE a hard time about not responding to an email during the work day. Its like this "poor treatment" of him that I am not doing that he is making up and running with, even though 10,000 times ive explained that I never expect him to so much as LOOK at an email during the work day.....
Keep in mind also, as you probably can guess, he is a very disorganized and forgetful person. During times at which I told him X or Y, he always forgets, needs reminding, and ASKS me to "send him a message about it" or "put it in writing." At one point wiht this savings budget (in Excel) that we have, where he couldnt keep track of what he committed to putting in each month, nevermind the fact that I emailed him the excel sheet a million times, I just printed out a copy and put it on his desk at home....he asked why i did that and I said for your reference so you dont have to worry about which email it is in or where you may have saved it on your computer....he lost that too.
So we are looking for a new apartment because our lease is up soon, so I got on craigslist right now during my break and sent him three links via email. He just responds to me "I am working."
I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!! Like, don't lecture me, I know you're working. I don't expect you to read (let alone respond to) my emails right now, this is just something for us to review later, either him by himself or us together, tonight....or whenever he has the time. I feel like becaiuse he is ADHD, so much as getting emails from people is distracting, and because he has an inability to take responsibility for his ADHD, if he sees an email from someone, its "their fault" he is distracted, and he takes it out on them. I've heard of not calling someone at work or not calling someone after 10 pm, but when have you ever heard of "don't send someone an email to their personal email during the work day?" I resent being treated like im a rude obtrusive person at all, let alone when ive told him a million times that this is his record of business for us to attend to on our personal matters and NOTHING HE needs to look at or reply to while he is busy.
BUT at the same time, if i dont email him things, like appointments to be made, bills to be paid, all the adult stuff - like, that IS the most effective way ive found to deliver this information to him....
I don't deserve to be treated like I am interfering with him or imposing on him just by sending an email.