I'm new here, been reading for a long time but this is my first time posting. I'm in a similar situation as most of the other stories I've read. My husband of 18 years has been on medication for ADD for 5 years and has recently been diagnosed with Depression. Although he does take his medication he's been in denial about both and prefers to blame every problem in his life/our life together on me or take it out on me, it depends on the day. I know this is a sympton of what he has going on but it's gotten worse since the Depression diagnosis and it's taking a bigger toll than usual on me lately. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. My doctor has put me on anxiety medication to try helping with the stress. I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells to keep from setting him off and it doesn't take much. Just a few days ago he exploded because he said I gave him a dirty look while I was drying my hair. I don't even recall looking in his direction and certainly didn't have any negative feelings at the moment. It started with a verbal assault for giving him a dirty look then a refusal to admit he was mistaken about what he saw and a huge ordeal trying to get me to say I was lying and just didn't want to admit giving him a dirty look or apologize for it. This went on for hours! My attempts to walk away were met with him following me and insisting I apoligize and smart [email protected]@ comments to push every button I have (he does that one often). He acted like a complete child then just decided he was done. He apologized, said he was mistaken, he felt bad for how far it had gone, ect. ect. ect. It's a pattern and the fight was back on for several more hours when I tried having a conversation with him about what had just happened and why it had happened. This kind of thing is happening every few days right now and I don't know if I can keep doing it. I suspect part of it is adding the Depression medication and still working out the correct dosage but even before the diagnosis I have noticed with age this is all getting worse.
I recently tried reaching out to his mother and that was a complete waste of time that I suspect may come back to bite me in the rear. They already have a rocky relationship which I have been dragged in the middle of and blamed for. To make a long story short, he blames everything on me even when he is completely delusional or has to invent/lie to do so and he's gotten his mother and sister on the phone doing that too many times. He will admit to me, counselors, and has even told them that he has made things up and told them lies about me when he is mad at me because he wanted to punish me and wanted them to punish me as well. They refuse to believe what he has said are lies and continue carrying out his punishment so we have very little contact with them at this point. We did briefly see them recently and I asked his mom if he has ever told her that he has ADD and she said him, noooooo! HE DOES NOT HAVE THAT! I said yes and he has recently been diagnosed with Depression as well to which she rolled her eyes and said because of the ADD medication. Then she told me how horrible that medicine is and he doesn't need to be taking it. She enables him and makes excuses for his behavior, she always has from what I can tell and I am worried that telling her is going to backfire on me and she will now start calling more and attempt talking him into no longer taking his medication.
I'm at a loss right now. We are seeing his therapist later this afternoon. He's seen 3 other counselors in the past and they didn't even touch on his problems. He did the same thing with them that he has done with his mother and sister, blamed every problem in his life on me, he can be pretty manipulative when he wants to. He says all they ever talked about was our marriage and his problems with his mother and his problem with expecting me to mother him. He certainly projects her onto me an awful lot! According to him he completed his sessions with first two and they saw no problems he needs to work on. I don't think that's true. The 3rd counselor I was more involved in. He wasn't as easily manipulated so he quit seeing him. I thought I was doing the right thing letting him take control of his counseling but I've seen that I can't trust him to do it so this time he is seeing a psychiatrist who can also regulate his medication and I am insisting that I go to all of his appointments with him. It amazes me that he will walk in and say everything's been fine and going great and he can see improvements with his medication when the truth is we've been fighting like crazy and things are getting worse.