His inability to see beyond the reality of the reality...progress in motion...

I have been going through a lot with my DH.I love him a lot and can't do with out him.He came in to my life and really showed me a different world out here.The reality step in our lives where i have my kids,work,life.His acceptance towards this has been very difficult meaning he has been step aside from the equation of my personal conduct responsibilities home.He feels left out,abandoned,and completely ignored for this entire time we are together 3 yrs plus now..

How do i continue to feel guilty for being a trying mother and human being.I feel trap with in my own self and i can't come out...help!!!!!!!!....how do i come out of this???..the finances of """us""" living together is not enough to cover a mortgage or rent if i was to leave, then my family breaks apart,if i stay then my marriage falls apart,it's falling apart because of these cercumstances..the solution to me being happier is to try and find that balance for every one sake.I can't seem to come up with a better living solution...

There must be a change for the better for the new year,this can't continue,i believe that my husband loves me very much but all this mix emotions is trapping us beyond our control and then false problems come to hunt us and we keep falling in and out of love..progress is in motion....


I can't believe you're actually writing this!

Really!! After all you have written on this boards about your abusive husband and how disgustingly bad he treats you - you still believe in your marriage?!

Honestly, I am getting tired of listening to your depressing story. So many people here have given you good advice - to get rid of that loser and take care of yourself and your children instead. But you just wont listen! You seem to choose to stay unhappy.

Please get some help now, if nothing else for your childrens sake.


Lots of reasons people stay

There are a lot of reasons people stay, so please try not to be too critical...but there are some 'bright line' reasons to leave ANY spouse and one of them is physical abuse.  To keep a family together for the sake of keeping them together misses the point that an intact family in which abuse is happening is worse than one that is split apart.  Children who grow up in abusive households have a very tough time of it.


I agree completely here. Your devotion is commendable but you have to look out for your safety and the safety of your family. If he is not willing to get serious help to address is unacceptable behavior and things are not improving, you have to separate yourself from the environment at the very minimum and ensure safety. If things get worse with him instead of better after that, you may need to set aside your desire to keep the marriage intact to ensure your safety.

The importance of financial independence

I am sorry if I sounded too harsh. But I really get upset when women who have the financial possibility to leave and support themselves choose to stay, year after year, with a man who treats them badly. If I remember correctly, Lovehurts has her own successful business and no kids with this man. It would be a different situation if she was financially dependent on her husband.

I live in Scandinavia, where very few women are stay at home-mums. From an early age we are taught the importance of being able to support oneself. That makes you much less vulnerable if your husband doesn't treat you with love and respect. Of course every marriage need some work, from both man and woman. But why stay in a relation where you feel unhappy and unloved - when you have a choice? That is actually a big mystery to me. Being single is PARADISE compared to living in a destructive relation!

Once again, I am sorry if I hurt anyones feeling. And I apologize for my poor English



to Karinda

Karinda, You didn't say anything many of weren't thinking also.  

Lovehurts, Re-read what you have written about this man.  You say you love him.  Ask yourself if you were us reading what you have written if you would wonder not also about WHY you love this person.  Can you get some help to figure that out?  You love someone who is hurting you and ignoring you.  I know I am doing similar.  Why do I stay?  I have financial restraints.  I justified staying all these years by looking to the Bible where it says to honor your husband. And I prayed and tried to have faith. This has been confusing to me to both honor my husband while he does not treat me like he loves me.  If I knew the answers I guess I would not be on this board trying and searching as you are.

I have to agree with Karinda

There is a point where you have to realize you can't change HIM, and he's not going to change for you. My husband was never abusive but he did NOTHING. He wouldn't work, wouldn't clean the house while I worked, etc. Eventually, I decided I didn't want to be his enabling mother, so I left. I love him, I miss him every day, but I realized our marriage was not sustainable and I left him. Now, finally, he is working, although there are still problems.

This endless cycle of kicking him out and taking him back feeds his ADD need for stimulation. This kind of drama is exactly what most ADDers love. Leave him, run your business and take care of your kids. Do not tolerate him or his abuse. YOU CAN DO THIS. I speak as someone who has done it. You will never have the life you want as long as you tolerate this behavior.