I've been posting on this forum for a long time, and many of you have been very kind to me. I hate to keep beating my head against this wall without result.
Now I feel like a rat in a maze, everywhere I turn I find a brick wall.
I have asked DH in the past to ask his doctor for a referral to someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy. He has not done so, partly because his boss (at a mental health agency) said he's never heard of cognitive behavioral therapy for ADHD and partly because he thinks he's fine the way he is. So my husband had an appointment yesterday with his psychiatrist who prescibes meds for his ADHD and depression. This doctor told him he didn't need to come back for 3 months, and once again, no mention of any therapy/coaching to get my husband into more "normal" behaviors.
So obviously, nothing is going to change. He thinks everything is fine. I should just lighten up about not having heat in our house, him doing nothing to assist in running our home, him not paying for me to have surgery to correct a physical problem that prevents me from working in the field I just got a degree in, etc. I am financially dependent on him because I can not work without correcting this problem.
So I have no money and no way to live independently. I also do love my husband and I believe that, when I appear in that paper towel roll (one of Melissa's analogies) and he remembers that he's married, he loves me. But I do not have an acceptable quality of life.
I can sometimes see that he's trying. He is asking me where a towel is and trying to take a towel in the bathroom when he takes a shower instead of running around wet on our hardwood floors. He promised to read Melissa's book but I don't believe he will. He has a rule that he can only pick up a book once. If he can't finish it in one sitting, he never goes back. (I think this is weird.)
The main problem is that he absolutely thinks he's fine as long as he takes meds and all the problems are mine. Is there any way to get through to him or is it going to be pretty much "take him or leave him" with no real progress towards solving our problems? Does anyone have any ideas?