Pretty new to this. Hubby and I split up back in April and have since stumbled upon this amazing resource, are awaiting a formal diagnosis, but in the meantime have started Melissas couples course.
When we first started speaking about the possibility of trying to work things out "differently" hubby seemed uber excited and happy to try anything to get us back on track. I am REALLY looking at the Symptom/response/response side of things for me and am really trying 110% to try and figure out what is a symptom etc and make extra allowances and be extra patient. (and will happily admit I have screwed up on more than one occassion, BUT I have taken ownership and apologised unreservedly)
Fast forward to we are now in August, and every 2 weeks or so I am having to deal with bouts of extreme anger from him when all I am doing is following the advice from the books, forum and the seminar. The most recent blow up was over (of all things) a Kitchen cabinet!!! We live separately and I Have just moved into a new rented house. He keeps leaning on one of the cabinets and knocking off the handle. This has happened on more than one occassion and I asked him nicely to stop leaning on things and breaking them! (not unreasonable I didn't think) - He immediately blew up, started yelling at me that I was controlling him (eh??) I went outside and let him calm down (or so I thought) and then very calmly asked him why me asking him to be respectful of my property and home made him so angry. I am trying to understand about ADHD and about how he ticks, but is this always going to be the case when I am asking him to be respectful of my boundaries? I asked him nicely to stop yelling at me, to which he ignored me and carried on yelling, I then asked again and said I would ask him to leave if he continued (I thought giving him an opportunity to take a time out/deal with overwhelm) and still he carried on. I then told him he would have to leave as I had not done anything to deserve being spoken to so disrespectfully, and so he left. As soon as he got back to his place the angry text messages started, accusing me of not caring about wanting us to get back together (why would i be doing any of this if that was the case??) I pointed out that I was unprepared to have drawn out knock em down fights. ESPECIALLY over text! He is still in a mood 2 days later. we have not seen each other and have agreed to meet up tonight to talk - To be honest I don't really want to. I am really wondering from reading all I read on this site if this is always the way it is going to be - every couple of weeks or so he's going to blow up, yell at me, say all kinds of crap that isn't true and then expect to carry on like nothing has happened? I am genuinely working on me, on not letting his distraction bother me (when he left in a mood instead of sitting home and brooding, went out with a girlfriend, and made arrangements to do the same the next day), trying to clarify things I say to make sure there is no misunderstanding. NOT Parenting him at all, of course I'm not getting it right all the time - but I am TRYING MY BEST!!!!!!! Will a formal diagnosis and meds help any? I honestly don't know - just trying to hang in here and be patient :(