holding on last hope for a diagnosis

My husband and I have been separated for about 4 months now.  I am feeling so hopeless after 12 years of marriage.  We have struggled most of those years.  Since our separation, I have found information on adult ADHD and feel as though he could be a poster child for it.  I have asked him to make an appointment for an evaluation, which he did for next month.  I continue to feel disappointment and hopelessness as I continue to try to trust his word and feel let down each time.  He thinks that I only focus on the things he does wrong.  I just feel like I've ridden a roller coaster for 12 yrs and can't ride anymore.  We have 2 children and I hate that they have to go through this, but feel like I need to have things change for their sake at the same time.  I decided to look for a place where people might understand some of the issues I've been dealing with.  I just hope beyond hope that a diagnosis and treatment might make some changes that could make our married life bearable.  I am afraid of him going and the therapist not seeing the ADHD, although it is very obvious.  It is so scary and new to me.  We are also in the process of having my daughter evaluated.  She exhibits many symptoms.  I am thankful for finding this place where I can maybe get some support from others.

I understand so many of the

I understand so many of the feelings you are having. I am not a professional but I am a woman with ADD.

I sought help from a psychiatrist for complete different reasons than ADD. I had no real knowledge about ADD and I didn't really know of it at all at that time. But the psychiatrist was a professional, unlike google which had been my previous doctor ;-), and nothing fooled her. I was a part of her clinic for completely different reasons and her clinic didn't even specialize in any neuro treatments still she saw it, had me tested and just nodded very pleased when she had the results in her hands. So don't be afraid, if your husband suffers from ADHD a professional will be able to tell, perhaps not after the first session but they will.

Though I want to warn you about putting so much hope into a diagnosis and medical treatment. While it has definitely changed my life just to know what is wrong and then to get the support that I get from medication and frequent CBT it still isn't a problem solver. I lived so many years without treatment which means that the whole me, my person has been shaped and formed after the ADD. And that takes time to fix. Also the medication doesn't "fix" me 100%, it doesn't magically change me into a very disciplined, organized, motivated woman who gets everything done and live life with a smile on my face. Mostly what it does is relieving me of a lot of the symptoms such as mood swings, foggy brain, being completely exhausted from just 1 hour of being .. awake etc.

I will still always need my husband to be a little bit more than I am. I will still always need structure and help but it has definitely become easier. I am not saying that you should give up, I just don't want you to get disappointed. If diagnosed and treated your husband will show improvements, but you will still have to fight a little bit. Hopefully though the biggest change will be him realizing his problems and gaining the will to work it out!