Yet another holiday has passed and I find myself saddened and frustrated. My husband who has suspected he had add for many years was diagnosed about 4 or 5 years ago since then he has tried various meds and is currently taking adderall. One of our biggest issues is holidays. Most of the time he shuts down and in turn makes things a negative experience for all around him. The only time he is happy is when he takes an extra dose of adderall or is drinking during a holiday.
Yet again we had another confrontation. He spent the day on the couch ( this is how he spends his weekends) and pretty much ignored everything. I finally had enough and decided to end the day at where we were. At that point the host asked why and I explained that he really didn't want to be there and I was just going to head out...the older kids had already taken off , in part due to his blah attitude.
I tried explaining that his negative attitude and not wanting to particpate was very upsetting to me and it made me sad. He said that he is not responsible for my happiness and that it isn't his problem that I am sad and that once again I was trying to place my unhappiness on him and blame him. I have thought about this for several hours and while I understand that I am resposible for my unhappiness and being upset that I wish he could have some empathy for me. I expained that I am tired of doing things by myself, that I have a partner but most of the time I end up doing things alone and that is not what I thought a marriage should be.
We tried counseling, he seemed to be in the hot seat a good deal of time, so he decided that he no longer wanted to attend. Our communication attempts are not good. He won't or can't communicate his thoughts or feelings.
Am I being unreasonable expected his participation on some level ? What can I do to avoid holidays being so upsetting ? If I am to continue to do things without him am I better off single?