This is my first post ever on any site dealing with ADHD and I am hoping I can find the answers I am looking for. I am sure like many others I have a complex background that has brought problems into my current marriage. I have been married for almost 4 wonderful years to my wife Amanda who I found is my one true love. She was that one person you met and immediately changed your entire picture of what was and really felt like. I was diagnosed late in my teenage life with ADHD after it had cause a lot of problems in school and relationships. I was on medication and trying to control things that had previously caused me great discomfort. I was told that college wasn't probably a good idea because it would be so hard for me to get good enough grades. I was a bad test taker and it was really hard to sit through lectures. I wanted to prove people wrong and I did, I graduated and went to work right out of school for a very large company. The part of college I didn't tell you was I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a couple of years and still managed to get through things. I got help after the relationship ended but never went long enough. I went from relationship to relationship and never felt what I thought it needed to continue. Then I met Amanda who showed me a new outlook on life, she was a wonderful woman who I finally felt comfortable with. We got married in May of 2004 and its still the happiest day of my life; I can smile every time I think about it. We had a wonderful first few years of marriage but I think my ADHD that I had left behind with college was still present and doing small amounts of damage without really knowing it. I had figured I had outgrown the problem and I could get along fine on my own. Our first daughter was born on 5/5/05 and things were wonderful. In January 2007 we were getting close to our second child together and I remember the day like it was yesterday. January 3rd when we were going to bed I did what I did a lot, I was feeling her belly and feeling the baby kick and move, it was a wonderful feeling and I loved doing that before we went to bed, I remember the baby having hiccups and we were laughing about it. The next morning same usual moments I felt and nothing out of the ordinary. She already had her OB appointment planned for that morning so i was excited to hear all about everything. She called me and told me that she was at the doctors and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I immediately ran out of work and over to be with her, I was a total wreck. We learned that the baby hadn't made it and they didn't know why yet. We would have to go to the hospital and deliver the baby as normal and that happened on January 5. That was the hardest day of my life and Amanda's. I was as strong as i could be for her and my family as she needed every ounce of support. We learned later from reports that there was nothing conclusive that caused the death, the placenta was more calcified than it should of been and there was some news that Amanda could have issues if we had another baby. This was all coming at us so fast, I am still wondering how with everything going on in my head I help it all together. To make things worse we had to make a decision of not having any more kids for Amanda's safety, I didn't want to lose my wife. Now during this time I was working a lot more and doing anything I could to take my mind off of things. i was talking to others and trying to understand why things happened the way they did. I had a friend that I had dated before I met Amanda and she was there to comfort me and we were still friends and nothing more. I remember spending a lot of nights awake trying to understand why all this happened to my family, Amanda, and me. I know I wasn't thinking clearly and Amanda asked if I needed help but I just said I would be fine. Well I wasn't fine and I ended up one day doing something that wasn't anything I ever said I would do once I was married. I had an inappropriate relationship with this past person. I don't know why I let it happen and i knew it was wrong but none of that came to me until after it had happened. I was so mad at myself and struggling with all the pain and mixed emotions. I did what I had learned to do before when you are emotionally abused, hide it deep inside and don't even think about remembering it. I went on as if nothing had happened and it was fine until a few weeks ago when Amanda found out about things and confronted me about them. To me nothing happened and I just denied everything, I really wanted to tell he everything because I knew I needed help and we would probably work through things at that point, but no, I lied like I have done in the past. She moved out the next day and is currently staying with family while we try and sort things out. I was in such denial that I needed help with my ADHD and how destructive it can be. I went over there last night and sat down with her parents and admitted what I had done with another person and how I didn't mean for it to happen and I tried to tell them about my ADHD and I am currently going to a psychiatrist to get all the help I need. I am going to make sure that I get everything sorted out and every ounce of help that I need. The bad part is that her parents and her see it as an excuse to explain what happened. I never went looking for this to happen with another woman and its not something I wanted to do but how do I say that to her. Maybe I am nuts and there is no hope for me but I am hoping by telling my story there is someone else out there that know what its like not to be able to control your decisions no matter how wrong they are. I also know that with lots of help and dedication that I can over come this and work with my wife to get things straightened out. I want to earn every ounce of her trust back. I broke a promise to her when we got married and I am so upset at myself for doing that. If anyone can help me out with this I would really appreciate it. Amanda is my one true love and I have known it all along but so many things got in the way and I hate blaming it on ADHD but looking back at the signs, they were all there. I love her and I am going to do what ever I need to do to show her I can beat ADHD and make sure it never controls me again. She deserves a loving, caring husband and father. Thanks for anyone’s help!