My 10 year old daughter woke me up at 4 am. She said she did not "get a wink of sleep" and wanted a drink--she is afraid to go downstairs by herself. I used the bathroom and then went downstairs. I was fortunately able to get back to sleep after she got a drink.
She was asleep when I woke up.
She often keeps claiming that she is coming down for long periods of time only to then finally announce that she is looking for some missing article of clothing. She did this today and claimed she did not have a shirt. I found several shirts in the dryer and gave them to her. She spent a long time telling me that she was putting on one of them and that I my asking her about it was preventing her from doing it.
Our 16 year old son slept through school yesterday. Today, he was up early and ready to go. He was getting mad that she was not coming out of her room to leave. I had to tell him to stay out of it several times. I gave her a minute to finish putting on the shirt. He opened her door (we removed the lock a few months ago because she pulls this so much) and announced she was hiding under the covers. I had to struggle to get the covers away. She was wearing a bra but had not even started to put on a shirt. She then complained that she would be too hot because it was a gym day. I pointed out that I gave her several shirts, including T-shirts. I finally had to put one over her head. Then I had to lift her out of bed. She went downstairs and complained. I had to find her shoes among all of the mess in her room. Then she refused to put them on. I had to try to put them on her. I started ordering an Uber ride to school for my son, but she was finally ready. In the car, I asked why she did not ask for help and said I needed her to communicate with me.She kept giving nonanswers--I shouldn't communicate with her. Then my son interjected that he thought she was just tired. She latched on to this explanation and said she did not get sleep because Alexa was not working right. I dropped her off and then my son was late to high school. Given all of the hassle of getting her ready to leave, I was not able to take the time to get her to take her medications.
Earlier in the week, she kept saying she was coming out or getting her shoes on. When I finally opened the door, she was watching something on a tablet that she was not supposed to have--and did not have any shoes. That evening, she repeatedly called me on the way home from work crying about how unfair it was that my wife would not let her watch anything as punishment for sneaking the tablet in the morning.
Last night, we got to sleep late because my wife discovered that our daughter had wet her bed and failed to tell us or clean it up. She had had an accident in her room over the weekend and said that she cleaned it up with her old clothes.
Call her teacher
Submitted by adhd32 on
There could be something happening at school.
School
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
Her teacher is out on a medical leave and she says that they have not been having a consistent sub. I tried sending an email message to the school psychologist who is her case manager. She is one fo the people we work most closely with in terms of her IEP and her behavioral issues.
I had asked our daughter several times why she did not want to go to school and if there was a problem at school. She kept denying it. But she has a history of things like hiding in the school or trying to leave the building. Again, the school psychologist is the main person we have worked with on these problems.
I’m so sorry
Submitted by Brindle on
I really am so sorry for all this stress. My kids don’t have the exact same issues as your daughter does, but we also have multiple diagnoses over here like you do, as well as multiple kids with adhd. And it is HARD.
What sort of advice have you been given for not crumbling under the chronic stress? By the time my kids are grown, I think either I will be strong like steel or will have crumbled into dust. There doesn’t seem to be a likelihood of a middle.
I’ve been told that having loving detachment is a good way to cope. But if you have to lovingly detach from your spouse *and* your kids, what kind of homelife is that? That’s what I’m trying to tease out. And there are no articles out there on such a subject. Someone needs to address the strain of being the only neurotypical adult in a family.
I really hope your day gets better, and that tomorrow is more calm. I know you don’t feel amazing, but from one parent of special needs kids to another, you’re amazing. It takes a lot of energy and work to do this stuff. And the toll emotionally is huge. So you’re amazing.
I kept calm today
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
I was able to keep calm today, despite that fact that I had to take an uber to work so that I could then take an uber to the airport later today. And also the fact that my wife lost her temper with both kids before she left. I even kept calm as our daughter was pouring drinks back and forth between bottles. One factor that made things a bit easier was that our son did not get into arguing with her.
We have spoken with a parenting coach to try to get some help, but we need to figure out when we can afford the fees. My wife--who does not have ADHD, OF COURSE--had another accident over the weekend. She was looking for her checkbook while turning a corner and ran up on the curb. The tire blew and the sensor broke. We put out an unexpected $300 to pay for a new tire, a new sensor, and realignment. Keep in mind that we had to replace her last car after she totaled it over the summer.
I suspect that both my daughter and I are on the autistic spectrum, so I am probably not neurotypical.
I’m glad to hear you had a
Submitted by Brindle on
I’m glad to hear you had a bit of a better morning today. Good job on keeping your cool.
Your wife’s driving incident is kinda scary. I’m sorry about the unexpected expense. The parenting coach would be a great idea for your wife, judging from your posts. Would you both be going?
Whatever the diagnoses are for you and/or your daughter, I hope you find answers and a way forward so you can all have more peace in your home.
Talk to her teacher
Submitted by skriti659 on
Kids don't take their parents saying seriously so better you should talk to her teacher. It's nothing to worry about. It's normal, they are kids and they'll do kiddish things. Her teacher can help her understand it.