I've been reading a lot of posts where the non-ADD spouse complains about the ADD spouse not helping with housework and it seems that it's always the ADD that's blamed. But, I wonder how much of it is the ADD and how much is it that the spouse just doesn't want to help? The reason I ask is that I am the ADD spouse.
I am 30 years old, work a full time job, have a 3 year old son, and I take care of the majority of the household chores. Is my home perfect? No, far from it. But, I clean and cook and do everything because if I don't then no one will. My husband doesn't have ADD, he just basically thinks that because he works harder at work (he has a physical job, whereas I have a desk job) and that he occasionally works overtime that the majority of the housework should be left up to me.
For example, I cook all meals and always clean up the kitchen. Even on his day off or when he's on vacation and I'm still working he will NOT cook. If I do ask him to make dinner, he'll order pizza. I handle all our finances. I have most of the bills on autopay and I've gotten into the habit of checking our bank online daily and have a spreadsheet on my computer to record when bills are due and when they are paid. He just spends the money without asking, even if the money in the account is set aside for a bill. He thinks if it's there than he can spend it. Of the past 5 years that we've owned our home I have mowed the lawn for 3 of those years. One year I was pregnant and my husband just happened to hurt his knee this summer so I hired my nephew to mow. This last summer was the first year my husband decided to help me and mow the grass the majority of the summer. Of course it was still my job to scoop dog poop, pick up any sticks/branches/leaves, and trim the edges of the lawn. The dogs have always been and still are my sole responsibility. I have to let them outside to go potty, have to feed them twice a day, and take them to the vet when needed. My husband will completely ignore their cries to go outside, but yet he's not the one with the ADD. I could go on and on.
I know that the problems between us are because I've let him get away with these things. But, yet he doesn't have ADD. So, when the ADD spouse doesn't help around the house is it truely due to the ADD or is it because the spouse is just letting him get away with it? I know it's easier to just do something yourself than to wait for them to get around to doing it. I know my house isn't perfect and it does make me angry when my husband says that our house is "trashed" even though I work hard to keep it as clean as I can. But, when he points out something that needs to be done I'll either write myself a note and stick it to the refrigerator or I'll tackle the project right then and there so I don't forget. But, he knows that if I just write myself a note that it could be a while before I get around to doing it - that is the ADD part of me procrastinating. If it is truely the ADD that is to blame in a lot of these cases then I think the non-ADD spouse needs to come up with some new ways to get things moving that works with their ADD spouse, not against them.