I am in a long term relationship with someone with ADD. He takes Adderall on a somewhat varied but predictable schedule. Most weekdays when he attends school or work he takes it in the morning, but on the weekends he prefers not to. This habit of his really caused problems in the beginning. I couldn't seem to figure out who he really was. When he took the medicine he was calm, relaxed, focused, and polite. He didn't always pay attention to me, and his mind always seemed to be focused on something else. On the other hand, on the weekends he became very rowdy and obnoxious. He could be rude and quite often his behavior embarrassed me, yet he payed more attention to me and was much more fun-loving. I felt as if his dual personalities were accentuated by the fact that he didn't take his medicine regularly. Perhaps on the weekend his ADD behavior was more emphasized because he was going through some sort of withdrawal. It took me a very long time to start to understand this behavior, and how I was supposed to react to it. I have now had to get used to not knowing exactly what personality I am going to be spending time with, but I have to admit, I have grown somewhat fond of the situation. I have found different characteristics in each behavior that I really love, and that I know are truly him. His fun, outgoing, spontaneous side can only be uncovered when he doesn't take the Adderall. Yet his thoughtful, caring, intellectual side only comes out when he has the Adderall to help him sort through his thoughts. I guess I wrote all of this because I am curious to see what others are going through with this problem. It can be very wearing dealing with dual personalities, and I don't know if I would prefer him to make up his mind on whether or not to take the medication. Are there reasonable and effective ways of handling ADD without the use of Adderall. I am still just very confused by the whole thing when I really start to think about it.
How Adderall affects relationships
Submitted by RebeccaD. on 10/06/2010.
this is my husband the the TEE!
Submitted by blueroses4me on
I felt like I was reading my own handwriting as I read your post! And he takes Adderall as well. I find that I can't stand the days he isn't on his meds because his behavior is so rude and annoying. It took me awhile to get used to him on his meds--polite, considerate--but I like him so much better.
I know what you mean about the two personalities. It's so true.
Submitted by YYZ on
re: Adderall me...
Submitted by revelation on
I am eavesdropping on your conversation...why does your wife feel mixed about the effects of the Adderall? My husband has stated he will "consider" trying meds, but your statement kind of scared me. Please explain.
Submitted by YYZ on
Jekyl and Hyde, that's me
Submitted by Frickinlonely on
I am on adderall, as well. I am completely different people on and off the meds. Personally, I hate being off of them as much as I hate being dependent on them. My wife and I have a deal, that seems to help a little. If I am not going to take them, I need to let her know so she knows what to expect. Don't get me wrong, she can figure it out, it's just easier to manage things if she knows who's going to show up.
revelation- I can second pretty much everything he said. I am guessing that his wife knew him and was comfortable with the way things were. Now that his brain is turned on, he is finally fulfilling his potential and he dropped 90 lbs. That doesn't always sit well with people. It rocks the status quo. Sad, but true. (Please note: I don't know his situation, and don't want to speak for him. I am just giving my perception)
Submitted by Mr.E on
So my fiancé doesn't like that I use Adderal. I can't say that I blame her. Because when she met me I was charismatic, outgoing, a bit hyper/obnoxious. I didn't like that in me cause growing up I was called annoying. I was always told to be still. The world has a way of categorizing how you should act. Now taking this medicine I feel lifeless. It's makes me depressed because of the emotionless side I have. Yeah I can focus better. But do the pros really outweigh the cons? Her biggest gripe is that she doesn't know "me" anymore. Like I went from Richard Simmons to Ben stein overnight. I'm straight business, minimal interest in things that "don't matter" but they used to matter to me, that's how you grow a relationship is by listening to all the filler. I am calling my DR to see if there are non-medical ways to treat me. It's easy to stay numb or enjoy this new feeling. But I say it isn't worth it!
Submitted by kellyj on
How long were you on Adderall without going off of it? Or did you go on and off intermitently. You sound like me growing up so I'm curious? (annoying yes) Ben Stein. Ha! (Bueler.............Ferris Bueler...................:)
I have been diagnosed with
Submitted by Mr.E on
I have been diagnosed with this since I was in 2nd grade. I'm 30 now. It was riddlin, Prozac and others etc.
i started taking adderall when I was in my 20's then I stopped. It became expensive. for the past year I started again, cause I've been blessed with good insurance. Both times it was consistent . 10mg XR 1x daily. But if I didn't eat, which I am never hungry, it felt like drinking a pot of coffees I get paranoid that I'm acting weird. So if I eat breakfast m, lunch and dinner the intense effects are more curbed. It's still presets though. So I am calling my behavioral specialist to see what alternatives I can take. All I want at the end of the day is to focus and pay attention to detail. I don't want to be on a pill. Some people like it , for the hi or obvious reasons. I just want this to be resolved.
Thanks For Sharing This E
Submitted by kellyj on
It sounds like you've given it a good shot and the side effects are really not worth it for you. That's a pretty low dose compared to what I'm on so this is telling. 10mg once a day would hardly do anything for me and would barely scratch the surface for what I need. 10mg would be like doing nothing at all really which is what I started on. It does sound like you have a sensitivity to it especially the paranoid parts.
Delphine suggested exercise and I can make some added recommendations there for you if the things she suggested don't seem to work well for you. Aerobic exercise of a minimum of 20 minutes continuous with a target heart rate of 120bpm - 150bpm would actual replace taking Adderall for me without the long lasting effects the drugs give me doing it once a day. Twice a day would replace Adderall completely as I found when I was younger and had the time to put that much into it. The exercise will have a number of other positive side effects that will go beyond staying focused as well.
The recent article I just posted on here yesterday suggests that new research is now showing that exercise in combination with the right diet, and eliminating or keeping your alcohol consumption (if any?) to a minimum will actually regenerate and promote new brain cell production in the hippocampus of the brain which is responsible learning, memory, mood and emotions.
If you watch this video, Sandrine Thuret, a neural stem cell researcher... explains the function of exercise and diet in combination with reducing or eliminating other factors in that inhibit or prevent this process in the brain. Her recomendations to do this show nearly the exact same recommendations suggested by the exerts for those who have ADHD to the letter and the reasons why. To me this is telling. I'm kind of a bottom line guy who always wants to know "why" and without going into this any further and just jumping to the obvious here....it appears the suggestions made for those who have ADHD line up exactly with this new research which suggests to me....if the side effect of following these suggestions works to help promote new brain cell growth and manage your ADHD symptoms at the same time....actually knowing exactly why the two strategies appear to be identical is kind of a moot point if you ask me since the results that you want are the same regardless of which criteria you pick.
As it appears.. the goals overlap and the side effects are all positive and you can't go wrong either way you want to look at it. A NO brainer you might say. LOL (that was humor...just so you know) I can still just as annoying even with treatment.lol
And making a point here you need to consider. You may just want this all to be resolved and are looking for a singular simple way for this to happen. But the reality is....what you are actually looking for in the way you are approaching appears to be expecting a miracle or searching for one that doesn't exist. All these things can either help or hurt depending on....but at the end of the day....you will always have ADHD. There is no cure all that will make it completely go away.
Accepting yourself for who you are and actually learning to live with yourself ( and Love yourself just the way you ..... is probably more important to what you are searching for than anything else my friend.
What your fiance' or anyone else thinks about you....should not determine how you think about yourself in a positive way no matter what they think of you. This is not arrogance or falsely or incorrectly over estimating your abilities as I'm saying this ( believing in your abilities to do things and accomplish tasks)....this about believing in yourself and not having to prove it to anyone else and that comes from within. No pill or treatment strategy can ever replace a positive state of mind and having that as the goal for yourself. If you are trying to put a band aid on it from the outside working in....that's about as effective for a positive state of mind as doing nothing at all IMHO.
Having said that....the treatment is important and setting this as your goal is really important as well. You need to do both but differentiate the difference in your expectations and understand the difference if I can make that a suggestion for you. Having walked this path myself....I can at least give you that advise and something to look at for yourself.
There is a lot of good information out there on all this stuff and not taking my (or anyone else's word for it) and researching it and educating yourself is part of the recomended treatment anyway. Good for you on all accounts...for being willing to do this for yourself and for others at the same time. There are many on this forum who would only wish their spouses would volunteer to do this on their own who simply refuse to even discuss it or do anything about it at all. You're way ahead of the curve already. Good luck with this and I hope you find the right combination of things that will work for you:)
This was so helpful! I am
Submitted by Mr.E on
This was so helpful! I am very blessed to have such a great woman in my life. I am aware that I ultimately make my own decisions. It has taken A very long time for me to love myself. I guess we all struggle with trying to be perfect and wanting the things we don't have. Like focus and attention to detail. I have found that this info you sent me is very useful and I am grateful to you for providing it to me. My biggest fear is addiction to any pill. So if I can find a better alternative before the dr keeps upping my dose, I want to nip it in the bud. It makes a lot of sense(your info) that's why I like working with my hands it keeps me busy. Office work is nice and comfy and I wish I could have it(with reasonable pay) but I get antsy. So I get my exercise daily from work. I have a terrible diet. I'm not overweight at all. But I still eat poorly. I do like alcohol. But this all makes sense. I need to change my diet and minimilize alcohol consumption.
Meditation not medication!
Submitted by Delphine on
Meditation not medication! This includes mindful walking. http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/9805.html
More natural remedies: http://www.earthclinic.com/cures/adhd.html
Also, exercise like jumping on a trampoline (also known as a rebounder) and a high protein, low carb diet. My son has ADHD and jumping on the rebounder helps him a lot.
From an article on managing ADHD in children (it kind of bugs me that so much of this kind of info is about children--as if plenty of adults don't have it too! My son is grown btw):
Rudman suggests that children jump on a trampoline, for compressing the joints of the body while jumping on a trampoline produces an organizational effect that lasts for four to six hours, similar to an adult going to the gym before starting his or her day.
Submitted by [email protected]... on
Perhaps a lower dose is in order
Submitted by CWilson on
I can absolutely relate. I have 2 different people depending on where he is on his adderall roller coaster. Super frustrated because the person I get on the weekends is either very giddy depending on how I interact with him. Or very lethargic and moody. Very taxing to be responsible for 2 peoples emotions. It feels very much like bipolar disorder only caused by medication. I cannot convince him to make some changes. I have come to hate the weekends.
The dysfunction and misery of non-acceptance.....
Submitted by c ur self on
(I cannot convince him to make some changes.)
This statement is what caused me so much suffering for years....And it's cause so many people I've read on this site so much suffering....And it's all self inflicted...When an adult pattern's their life in a certain way, and likes it...(refuses to consider there's a problem, or refuses to work on any problem they might admit to) we must respect it, accept it, and walk away....Anything else is attempted control and manipulation...It doesn't matter if the life they choose isn't fit to be in a relationship (So many aren't) with another human, it's their life...
So many of us destroy any peace that could be had, by trying to mother an adult....When your husband see's you aren't speaking to him, and you are finding things to do away from him, he might get the picture....I suggest you never submit yourself (your life) to poor behavior, for any reason....If he can be helped, it will be when you stop trying, and start enjoying your (weekends) life...
You are so right. I have
Submitted by CWilson on
You are so right. I have been making those changes lately. It has not fixed the problem. But I did realize I had to make changes in the way I handled it. I cant fix him I can only fix me. God bless
Submitted by c ur self on
Being devoted to a marriage partner who's reality makes them unable to give back (for what ever reason) is a difficult pill to swallow...It can be a lonely life at times....But, if we don't allow ourselves to lose thankfulness, and don't allow our neediness to cause us to turn victim minded...We can set some boundaries to protect both parties, and go on with our lives, as best as we can under the circumstances...
Blessings to also!
Adderall sucks the life out
Submitted by gatorman on
Adderall is awful and kills your soul. It just does. One day you're with an amazing loving human then over time you become a soulless yet productive human being. Work becomes more important than anything. Personally I'd like the gifts that adhd gives you than it take your soul for productivity. I'm in this relationship for love not for money.