I'm here looking for encouragement, the kind all of us could use sometimes. My ADHD husband and I are separated right now so he can try to take care of himself for a while and get treatment. Mostly he's trying really hard and doing fairly well. It's great that we are separated, because I don't have the discipline to truly let him "sink or swim" and suffer his consequences when the problems are right there in front of me, or I can see them coming from a mile away. Let me give you an example, and hopefully someone will chime in with some encouragement. I'm also posting this so we can all learn and gather suggestions to stay strong together as we break habits and change enabling, destructive behavior.
My husband got a DUI last year and recently had a breathalyzer installed on his car for his restricted license. He called me this morning, angry at the world, because he drank too much last night to start his car this morning, and now he can't get to work. He's expressing anger/frustration at me because I couldn't postpone my meeting, drop everything and drive across town to drive him to work. Not my problem right? I tried to sound sympathetic, and I do feel badly for him, but his attitude made it hard not to be annoyed. Apparently its the machine's fault for being so strict, or the state's fault that he can't drink what he considers a normal amount and pass in the morning, or my fault for not being able to bail him out. I always feel that underneath he's really mad at himself and will realize that later, but I wonder how much he's ever going to take accountability for his mistakes.
So, I presume he's sitting at home, or trying to start the car, making excuses to his bosses (thankfully they really like him), or on his way to work, while I await another teleconference. I just don't want to feel bad today, or guilty, or mean. It's my little girls first birthday today and minus that phone call, I've been in a wonderful mood. I'm hoping venting here will help me get back and stay there :)
It's hard for me not to feel bad or guility, even harder not to move heaven and earth to bail him out. I guess we can't take steps forward without pushing ourselves sometimes, right?