How to approach my husband about his ADHD

            Hello, I've been married for 8yrs. My partner has been dedicated to his military career for 13 years,and I have been having lots of issues with our marriage as a whole.  I have known for a long time about my husbands ADHD. It was diagnosed when he was a child.  I admit I haven't dealt with this very well and from this (ADHD,Military career, and my own diagnose of colon cancer). I have sought out help from a family practitioner about being put on meds. And they are working great for me to cope better.  For years I've tried to reach out to family members on his side to try to understand him/ or communicate with him better, and this has failed. It seems like I'm the adult and he's a child that wants control but every time he tries to take control, it continually blows up in his face. And here I come to the rescue again. I'm so tired of this and have approached him many times about the ADHD, and marriage counseling. I get from him that either he doesn't want to be "drugged up",or "slowed down" by meds,( cause when he was a child he was put on meds. and it made him feel that way) and as for the marriage counseling ,I have the problem....yeah me!  This is bad but two years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer I gave him a way out,( divorce)and he didn't want that so I went through my treatments by myself and tried to talk to him about it and he was uninterested. also his resolution to the problem was to go active in the military spending more time away from me when I needed him the most. I am happy to say I am a survivor of colon cancer!!!!! But I still have problems in my marriage. A couple month ago on my anniversary of getting chemo my husband come to me and says He is on the fence about us being together. Oh wow! He said he hasn't been happy for the last two years and I'm so devastated at this point I'm speechless! I cooled off and made a list of things that we both do and need to work on and he agreed to this. So things have somewhat gotten better. But I can see the pattern starting up again with him. I'm being so positive and supportive and try reminding him of responsibility and priorities and he has all this anger that he says is not directed at me but I feel indifferent. I have brought up marriage counseling every week since the incident and the anger flows. I AM MY WITS END AND NEED HELD !                                                                                                                                      

((HUGS))

First off, congrats on being a cancer survivor! The story of your battling it alone is heartbreaking, I must admit, but you should be very proud of yourself.

Does your husband know that treatment does not have to include medication? Seems like the more I read the more medication is used only to help patients thinking more clearly and help them focus. It doesn't seem, for most, to 'cure' the behavioral issues associated with ADD. It seems that it sometimes helps too if there is a lot of irritability and anger..I've seen people mention that it helps with that. Anyway, just wondering if you could approach him with the option of not taking meds, just seeking some outside help for the marriage...in the form of counseling.

To Hugs:)

Thanks for your feedback and support:) I'm trying the best I can to remind him of counsling that he agreed to. He tends to blow it off but, I am determine to get threw to him:)  Staying positiveand meds help me stay on track and I'm blessed for that. So one day at a time:) Again, thanks for your support and helpful words!