How to best respond to ADHD spouses outbursts/defensiveness.

I am struggling with how best to respond to my husband's instant defensiveness if he feels he's being criticized. He's medicated but I don't feel the meds help much with his emotional outbursts and getting defensive about the smallest things. I've started peri menopause so I'm more moody myself and I do everything I can to treat it and utilize healthy coping/self care. My husband takes meds but doesn't practice much else in terms of self care. He claims he doesn't have time. This frustrates me but I've given up bugging him about it. When I'm feeling more irritable, it's so hard for me to separate and be more understanding of his ups and downs. I get worked up and it never ends peacefully. We argue and then I get very upset/overly sensitive. I hate conflict! He's a good man and I know he tries, but am I missing something? I wish I knew the best way to respond to his frustrations without letting it get the best of me. When i'm in a good place, it's so much easier to deal with! Any input is greatly appreciated! I don't want this to eventually ruin us.