How can I get ADHD spouse to fight for our marriage?

I am new to the forum and found a lot of useful information here

My ADHD spouse is in denial.  I have read so many books about ADHD but I cant get my wife to read none.  I trying to get her to educate her self on the symptoms Adhd

Its very frustrating that she will not addressed these issues.  I love my wife with all my heart but I am starting to wonder if our marriage will ever improve.

I wish I could get her to just read some these forums and blogs

Can  anybody help??

 

waynebloss's picture

Umm...sorry to say this

She will not change until she is ready to change.  That is about as honest as I can be.  My wife let my ADD go on for about 2 years then she said either get help with about your issues with the possibility of taking meds, make changes, and fight for this marriage or she nad the kids were leaving.  I knew that this was not a empty idle threat but a promise that would happen if I did not get my at together.  Making that first step which admitting there is a problem is HUGE and very hard for someone to do.  It took my wife leaving with the kids to "shove" in the right direction before I would.  I am sorry but there is no way of making her read, learn or even see professionals about changing unless she wants to change. All can I tell you is that you need to take car of yourself and make the changes that are best for you and if she sees you doing this, it might be what is needed for her to start looking at herself. 

 

Sorry wish there was a phrase or that "one" thing that would make her see that change is needed.  I wish you the best and continue to blog here, some VERY good advice and people are here to help!!

Wayne

I'm So Exhausted's picture

I'm still trying to figure that out.

I'm the wife of a spouse with ADD.  We've been married 26 years.

I am just so tired of the chaos.  Everything is chaos.  No routine.  No schedule.  We never know when he will get home from work. 

He is so miserable right now - and it appears he just chooses to stay that way.

Do I want a divorce?  No.  Can I live in this chaos?  Not any more.

I am trying to figure out how to start the conversation with him about how we will divide our belongings.  Having to sell the house, the RV, the tractor, the Cub Cadet mower . . .so we can each go our separate ways is a horrible thought for me. 

This is not what I thought my marriage would look like.

It worked in the beginning because at 21, I was an emotional wreck.  I grew up in an alcoholic home, and I developed eating disorders.  Depression also runs in our family, and I have issues with it. 

Well,  he rode up on his white horse and literally rescued me.  He did save my life. 

But . . .even though it took 10-15 years, I worked through my issues with lots of counseling and Al-Anon.

Unfortunately, my husband likes to rescue, and now at 51, I am of sound mind and spirit - - our relationship doesn't work. I have been telling him for the past 12 years I want to do things along side him - with him.  But it does not work that way.  It needs to be his ideas, his way, in his time frame.  And if he totally changes his mind mid-stream, he thinks nothing of it.