How can I get him to stop bad talking me and talking about our personal business.

We are going great for some time,he was very generous and loving,cooking and pampering me,taking me nice places,buying me presents/gifts.Organizing dinner reservations and being a great husband.I was a bit worried that it would not last long b/c i did not want us to be out of love at no time.When we are in love he is great and things seem up to specks.

He was complaining about not feeling well since last week,I did everything I could to help him,I gave him massages,fed him treated him with love.He told me yesterday he thinks that his blood pressure is high and that he was going to the bank first then to test his blood pressure,then after pick me up to go to the grocery,I told him no problem.The bank is not far from me so I decided to go meet him there.He was at the desk when I reached and so I sat down waiting on him,but he did not know I was there.I felt that maybe I should go so that I would accompany him to the doctors after.I sat there for 35min and I found that strange because it would never take that long seeing he was already at the counter.I looked through the door only to figure out he was telling the bank girl about his personal life,our marriage and his money making business and I thought to my self why is he doing this..I already knew that he was trying to hit on the girl almost immediately! I can't understand why he would do that.I mean he was leaning over her desk,talking a lot,He was trying too hard.The girl clearly was not in to him,then he handed her his business card with his phone number.I sat there all the while and he never even noticed me through the glass door.He glanced at me but still did not notice me there.

last night in a text he told me that I came there like cheaters trying to scope him out,when in fact I went there because he was not feeling well,a week prior to that he started bragging to one of his neighbors about how much money he is making and how his business is taking off..I told him to stop telling people his personal business but he can't stop!! I told him he needs to keep finances between us and no one should know about these things.When I sat there at bank waiting on him his transaction was completed but he still stood there talking to the bank woman and would not stop bragging about his money and work and house,our marriage hell I would not be surprise if he told her I am a lousy wife,which I am not.When he saw me after he was through with his gossip,he was so dumb struck I was there he could not even open the door.I asked him why he took so long and why he could not just talk about the weather and get over your transaction and be done.He got mad,started cursing me in the bank and few people heard then ran to his car and drove off.Last night he started texting me nasty text messages saying,I am possessive and mad and crazy to come at bank posing as cheaters..

I need help with this one,it's hard for me to comprehend seeing we were doing so well,I don't want to end things because of his mouth,but rather try and fix it..can anyone tell me what to do? should I let him be? should I stay away from him for some time let him know I am serious about this? we don't live together so maybe I can stay away this weekend...I have no idea how to go about this..i was thinking maybe It"s time we gave the relationship a long break,let him date or maybe observe his options.I think he is not happy with me and can't say it,yep,I should just leave him to be,but when I do he comes back crying sad stories....







carathrace's picture

"we were doing so well"

Lovehurts, I clicked on your name and skimmed over your posts, going back into 2012.  I think it would be a great idea if you would do that too.  Read the history.  Sometimes it helps to see what you wrote about what you were going through at the time, because sometimes we have this magical thinking that says "we were doing so well".  How do the "doing so well" times balance against the "marriage hell" times?


This is very interesting to me because my ADHD DH  snoops on me but freaks out if I even glance at an e-mail he is typing while he clearly sees me standing there.  He eavesdrops on my phone conversations from a different room and then blurts out comments.  He looks at the e-mail on my latop and one time he followed me on a walk with our dog to find out what I was talking about to my family.

He also will use me as the butt of a joke, making up lies, like telling people I like to by Jennifer Lopez clothes at Kohls, when I never in million years would by Jennifer Lopez clothes..  But if I even mention something about say, oh he had to go to the doctor the other day, while we are in the same room together he screams HIPPA!

I find the with ADHD the rules only apply to everyone else, but not themselves.



I do know that a symptom of ADHD is impulse control. Many who have ADHD talk quite a bit, and don't have a filter when it comes to personal or sensitive information. I know my STBX told virtual strangers very personal things about our family on numerous occasions. ADHD can also make it tough to read other people's emotional cues (so if the girl at the bank was "checked out" your dh may not have picked up on it and kept right on going). People with ADHD may have difficulty remembering things from one time to the next, so even if you talk about something, each experience may feel like a "new time" to him and he may not remember. And there is stimulation (hyper focus) from new people and new situations. So you may never be able to "fix" his propensity to talk a lot to strangers, to be stimulated by being around a new person, or to reveal sensitive information.  

Echoing what carathrace said above, I have seen you on these boards for a long time and it sounded like you and your dh had some significant issues, including his behavior around other women and you being able to trust him. This sounds like a hot button for both of you and that similar things have happened? It may do some good to re-read old entries and decide what you think is important to you and whether you and he have made progress. It sounds like you are spending a lot of time wondering what to do and how to behave, and I know feeling this insecure is not fun. 

My best to you.