For most of our marriage, H was the primary breadwinner. He had a very good job, and I stayed home raising our children (I worked full time during the first 5 years of marriage, until first child was born). Once the kids were raised, H began hinting that I should work. And, whenever he was mad at me for some minor or NOTHING reason, he'd yell at me to get a job. (This was when H was working and he refused to lift a finger around the house for ANY reason, even if I was seriously ill.) For awhile, I did get a job as a full timesales job, but it had no flexibility with hours (impossible to get a day off), and H still wasn't lifting a finger around the house, so we decided that I should leave that job. H had lots of flexibility with his job, and we BOTH resented the fact that I was literally a prisoner to my job's required hours. I then started my own business and have done quite well with it. It is a job where much of what I do can be done from home (taking orders, doing contracts, etc)
H has a very good retirement pension, but after years of living on H's high income, my business income allows us to continue living in the lifestyle we've become accustomed to. H has some expensive habits and insists on a certain brand-name Rx that our insurance doesn't cover, and is VERY expensive. This med is not necessary, but he "wants" it. It alone costs us about $600 a month. His other meds are mostly covered by insurance, but the co-payments run about $200 a month. So, his meds cost about $800 a month. His copayments for doctors and therapy run about $150 a month. We also must meet a $2500 per year family deductible before the insurance begins coverage. Every year, the $2500 deductible is quickly spent on H's doctors, RXs, and therapy appts. Overall, his "health needs" cost us about $15k per year (last year was higher because he had a major surgery).
I'm not complaining, just providing background for the following situation:
Now that H is retired, he NOW doesn't mind doing some chores around the house.. He is happy to help me with certain aspects of my business, and he does a very good job within those specific parameters (low stress/low anxiety efforts). He has NO INTEREST is doing anything that has to do with frequently updating 6 websites, customer contact, billing, invoices, record keeping, etc. I'm fine with that. In fact, H repeatedly says that he'd "freak out," if he had to do what I do. He hates the "interruptions" of calls, texts, emails, etc from customers. When he's calm, he just says that he's glad that I handle those things.
(In addition to H, I have an employee/assistant, but she can't do the parts that I do (the risk is too high, and she's also the nervous type).)
Since this business crosses time zones, I have to literally "be open" 24/7 in responses and customer care.
Well, when I'm doing the aspects that H hates, he's often annoyed that I'm largely unavailable to him. It's important that I not be interrupted at key times out of fear that I'll make a serious mistake. When I'm focused on doing a contract, or updating a website, I am very focused (maybe a bit ADHD...ha ha), because there would be a serious cost if I were to make a serious error.
H is like a small child who does NOT want to be told, "just a minute." When he's calm and we talk about it, he "understands," but at the moment he's talking, (the now, not now issue), he flips out if I tell him "just a minute". Sometimes, I'm so engrossed and focused, that I don't even hear his interruption.
H will then have a major temper tantrum (yes, that's what it looks like...a 3 year old) and start whining that I "care more about the job than I do" him. He'll demand that I stop what I'm doing and listen to his "tantrum du jour" as "proof" that he is more important than my business.
When H was working, I never placed such demands on him. I treated his job as a very important aspect because it was what supported our family. I never looked at it as, "you spend more time at work than with me, so you must think the job is more important than your wife and kids." I would never had thought anything like that!
So, H likes to say things like, "I don't care about the money, so I don't care if you give up the business." That is total BS because he'd never give up his pricey healthcare needs. His (false) claim is all part of the now, not now thing going on.
What to do?