Hi all, this is my first post, thought I posted it somewhere else (not sure where if I did) but I dont know what I am doing LOL or if this is the right place to put it. Here is goes...
I have been reading and reading, I feel so extatic to have stumbled upon this site! I think my husband of almost 3 years is ADD. I, like many others on here Im sure, could type for hours on all of our issues and fights but I first off I need a little advice. I think he may have had issues as a child with ADHD but Im not sure what if anything was done to treat it. For some reason Im thinking we may have had a conversation about him taking meds or his parents wanting him to but its so faint I just cant remember what may have been said. It wasnt one of those conversations where we were specifically talking about past medical history, but something that was randomly said durring another conversation. Our marriage has been extrememly rocky the last 2 years. We have had some marriage counseling but my husband works out of town 95% of the time, it was hard to make counseling work if we were only able to go once a month, if that. I went individually once a week to work on my personal issues, faults etc. His time at home is never regular so sometimes he will be home 2-3 weekends in a row and sometimes Im lucky if he's home once a month.
So many of the info, articles, blogs and stories of other people and couples seem to fit him and our relationship to a TEE. Now I am fully aware that our marriage problems are not just him, even if he is ADD, but reading how people with ADD understand things and communicate, it makes total sense as to why the changes I have made and the different tools Ive tried to use, have not helped the marriage. I feel like I am in a better place with myself emotionally, but the marriage is worse. I have broke down and cried many times while reading, and thinking what Im reading is a diary of our relationship. I felt like I was reading a story about us but the names were changed.
Now that I have found this site and realized this could be whats keeping us from a happy marriage, I feel like I have won the lottery but with no way to cash the check. This is the first time in a LONG TIME that I have felt any kind of hope for him and I. My problem is, I dont know how to approach him with all this. We have serious communication problems and can basically only talk basic stuff: How was your day, hows the weather etc... He is very defensive and I dont want him to think that I am "Blaming" him for everything, or that something is "wrong" with him or any of the sort. I am hoping someone can give me some insight. He isnt the type to take medication for every ailment and Im not sure if he believes that ADD is real. I am hoping that maybe he will atleast meet with someone to determine if he does have it and if meds would help.
I love him dearly and want our family to stay together (we have a son 1 1/2yrs, 3 dogs and a cat) forever but if it turns out he isnt ADD or he wont deal with it if he is, it is inevitable that we will get divorced. I have suffered too long and taken too much emotional abuse. It wont be long before our son will be suffering from it too if things dont change one way or the other.