How do i cope with separation?


Ive posted here a few times and this community helped me. 

Ive no idea what to write today. Im 9months into a "temporary" separation. Only now has he sought medication but only for his situational depression. Nothing for his ADHD. He still hadnt sought therapy, but says he is doing internal therapy, lots of reading around coping strategies. He says people like him struggle to sort difficult tasks and im pushing him to do things in my timeframe.......but its been 9months separated and a year since i raised im not happy. Im not sure his internal therapy is working as when i ask him to stop blame shifting he said "what the fuck are you on about, blameshifting. Going on about this again". Immediate erruption, then narky, then calm again. Its all too much. 

I feel now he has been diagnosed, its like i see him for the first time. The mask is off him and im not sure he ever really loved me. I was more of a meal ticket.

How do you cope with being the one who instigated the separation and ripped your family apart? How do you cope being on your own after 20years? 

I have no hope left. Ive tried everything to save my family, and ive no hope now.