How do I do what God commands: respect my husband when I really want to choke him!?

I'm really not going to choke him.  kidding.  Here's the deal: as is for many of you my faith means everything to me.  I am SOOOOOOOOO struggling how to respect my husband as is God's command when his ADHD drives me crazy.  I feel like life is just easier if I let him do what he wants but I so disagree with him at times.  Example: got ourselves into huge credit card debt and I took on a second job to pay it off.  Instead of helping me he in turn has tried to get more credit and loans. funny thing is he need my income to qualify for anything and he can't get anything on his own so then he is mad at me again.  How do I respect that behavior?  He would never pay off his debt if I wasn't forcing him to do so. He thinks because he is the "man of the house" that if we disagree he should get the final word.  Some of these decisions are detrimental to our kids and I am beside myself to try to step back and have him treat them with rudeness and anger.  He comes from a household that was very dysfunctional and VERY controlling. He tries to do this with the kids especially our 15 year old son. Great kid and dealing with typical teen issues.  Just got his driving permit and we were discussing the "speed limit".  The kid is well aware of the speed limit and my view is if he gets a ticket he is paying for it and the hike in our insurance premium and I will take his cell phone (best punishment ever!).  My husband just screams at him to DRIVE 55.  In a few months we wont be in the vehicle to watch him anyway and he has to make his own decisions and deal with the consequences.  How do I show respect for my husband without being trampled by his anger and "my way or the highway" expectation of me?