1 month post break up from ADHD spouse, and I still can't figure out how to get me back. I feel like this man broke me down mentally and emotionally with all of the lying, manipulation, and deceitfulness. I can't even figure out how much of what I shared with him was the truth or a lie. Is it just me or are the ADHD spouses just in denial about almost everything? And maybe this isn't everyone's story but it was mine... why was everything my fault? Why is everything still my fault? I have never thought any human being could be this capable of manipulation and have no sense of remorse about it. Now I am sitting here trying to get back to the happy, fun, confident and secure woman I definitely know I was before I met him... I just can't figure out where to begin to pick up the pieces. I have since questioned everything I thought was good about me before meeting this person.. Did I forget to mention that 2 weeks after we ended, he's in another whirlwind love affair that's "fun" and all in love again when we were just talking marriage 1 month prior to? Should I count my lucky stars that we never got to marriage?
How do I get me back
Submitted by SadStory4Me on 04/21/2011.
Take your time!
Submitted by mommachef on
Hang in there--it's only been one month!
Surround yourself with your girlfriends or other loving and supporting people in your life and just "be." Work on taking care of YOU! Do things you like, watch the tv shows that you want to watch, get a workout routine going, take a class, do anything that makes you feel good!
You'll get through this!
I totally understand being
Submitted by elmstart on
I totally understand being confused about how to get yourself back. Yes, the ADHD spouse will be in denial and blame you (that's a big characteristic/coping skill of someone with ADHD)...it is not your fault. I am so proud of you for getting out of your relationship before even more damage was done to you. I would suggest seeing a counselor temporarily that specializes in abuse and understands ADHD. I suspect this kind of damaging relationship may have caused you to have some situation depression, PTSD, etc. Hopefully they could give you some tools to get yourself back. I can only speak from what I know about the psychological affect of being with a partner with ADHD who is in denial. If you need to think about what was good about you before meeting your ex, think about how you don't have this kind of dysfunctional relationship with your co-workers, friends, family, and other people in your life. Think about how you have only had this problem with him and that is really was all him.
Elmstart, Thanks a lot for
Submitted by SadStory4Me on
Thanks a lot for responding. I have been seeing a counselor, praying to God, and talking to whoever will listen. This is the first relationship I have ever had to seek therapy for. For the last 6 weeks I have been living in a state of confusion - trying to figure out how I allowed myself to stay in that type of situation even when I saw every single red flag. Yesterday was the first time in about 10 months that I laughed uncontrollably and was reminded that I am actually a fun person to be around, and extremely humorous. The ex did a fantastic job of convincing me that I wasn't exciting enough, humorous enough and couldn't make him laugh. It was the 2nd time in over a month that I felt like going out to have some fun. My friends have done a great job of reminding me of the person I was before I met him and why I never had any any enemies until now. I am praying the depression will leave soon so that I can get back to my normal way of life. Thank you so much for the advice!
And by the way, congrats for
Submitted by elmstart on
And by the way, congrats for telling people about your situation rather than shrinking away from everyone and pretending that everything is okay all the time. I am a repeat offender and now my friends know to call me again if I don't return their call to snap me out of it. Even if you did do that for awhile, I can't tell you how great it is to see someone asking the questions and finding themselves out of the relationship before life gets too complicated (marriage and children). I am married and have a child with my ADHD'r and did ignore the signs for way too long. People like you keep me moving forward towards normal.