My husband was diagnosed with ADD last year, and started using alarms on his phone to keep himself on track. It is much more successful than anything else he has tried and I'm grateful for that. The problem is he's constantly setting his phone down and walking off. Or forgetting to grab it in the morning. So several times a day I hear (or an awakened by) an alarm that I have to hunt down in the house and deliver to him. The first few times I didn't mind much - I figured it was the cost of having a more reliable partner - except now it's becoming a new unreliability and frankly, just making ME responsible for managing him again. Sigh.
I appreciate the idea that I don't HAVE to do any of that - but the untended alarms are very disruptive to my life as I homeschool the kids while he works from home. So ignoring it isn't really a viable option because it distracts the kids (who also have ADHD) and completely throws off my ability to do my job.
Any suggestions other than super-gluing his phone to his hand?
super glue not needed, but...
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
One can buy a cell phone holder that clips onto the waist of one's pants, and leave the phone in it when not using it. Or a fanny pack. He might get two - keeping one where he gets dressed each day in a highly visible place, and one in a back up place that he'll see it if it forgets the main one (kitchen? Car? Briefcase?)
Trying harder to remember it won't likely be as effective as creating a physical attachment. If the result is much-desired independence, the minor bother of having to purchase the mode to keep it with.
I agree!
Submitted by shevrae on
Thanks so much for the suggestion! When he went into the office pre-COVID he had a checklist every morning to make sure he had all his things but that went out the window now that he works from home and he doesn't have to drive back home for anything he forgot. But maybe I can suggest he make a "at home" checklist.
One step forward; two steps back
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Maybe you could get him to wear an Apple watch which maybe he'd wear more consistently and all the alarms could go to that device.
The ADHD symptom merry-go-round never stops but you do get to change horses occasionally. Only he can make change in his behavior. And you get to wish (again) that he would.
That's a good idea
Submitted by shevrae on
Thanks! Then I just have to get him in the habit of putting the watch on in the morning. ;). And I totally get what you are saying about changing horses - it seems like every habit he picks up requires him to drop another one if he's going to stick with it.
Shevrae.....
Submitted by c ur self on
Because HIS mind challenges are a constant, he must care to form good habits (self awareness of HIS own issues) ...So the easiest way to make it dysfunctional is to make all these little annoyances (his challenges) OUR'S...Based on your comments you are well aware....So I've found it WAY better to NOT jump in (just because I SEE the problem, know it's an easy fix (for me) and attempt to do just that...Because it's not our minds or our issues we are discussing here ;)....Suggestions is one thing....But if he is like many (my wife)...they get very dependent very quickly...More dysfunction, more overload for your life and your planned out schedule, which probably don't have a line on it everyday for baby sitting an adult....
If it was me...(has been plenty times) other than offer suggestions or a loving verbal reminder before bed time....I would ignore his alarms and allow him to learn....He's a big boy!
My suggestion is he should make himself a large sign that he leaves in his car/truck that hangs on his steering wheel, that he must move to the passenger seat to be able to leave... GET PHONE! ....My add wife has to put stuff on the kitchen table in a pile w/her keys, or it's the same thing you are going through....I have one that say's TWO BUTTON CRANK....I have a 2020 CRV that was designed to go dead at red lights etc...while idling, unless I press a by pass button when I crank it the first time...I hate it....
Good luck....
c
Thanks so much!
Submitted by shevrae on
Thank you for your suggestions. Insisting he take responsibility for himself has been a huge part of the last year for me. I realized that him relying on me started way back when we were dating. Oh if I could go back and tell myself to stop being so "helpful". Sigh.
Just a thought...
Submitted by c ur self on
Being "Helpful" is a good thing!....The result (returning product) of being helpful, or doing a favor to a responsible adult is thankfulness, and not having to repeat the help...The result (returning product) of enabling a "not so responsible adult" is continuation of neediness, victim accusations if the help/crutch isn't available...So sadly what was I doing in those early years?? Even if we were blind to it....But on the bright side, It's never to late for the pain of growth to occur for any of us!
Blessings
c