How do I stay connected sexually?

I few months ago I just let go of my bitterness and resentment. This has been a huge bonus for us in our marriage. But, that isn't enough for my ADD wife. We haven't had sex in 9 weeks. That is partly due to me not initiating. I had to let go in order to find peace and happiness. So let me explain what is happening and perhaps someone has a suggestion for me to try. 

My wife forgets sex. She forgets everything I like during sex. Any preferences or adjustments that you would assume happen over a life time together.. they just vanish. Certain positions are uncomfortable. Certain paces don't work... you know those things you spend a life time learning about each other, right? Well, she can't remember them. On top of that, if I say anything like, that hurts, a little faster, etc. She freaks out. Why can't I just like what she does. This is after 30 years of sex... she can't remember what I like, what I don't like and any request for adjustment is brutal to her. 

So, I've lost interest in sex. I'm told sex is all about me but when I ask for her desires she says she doesn't know. I try to find a compromise and negotiate something that works for both of us but she stonewalls me and says it's all about me. I try to insist that she needs to get what she likes as well but she won't tell me. She only insists that I should only accept what she does even when it's 100% not working for me. 

So the question is this. How do I stay engaged in sex and want sex if I'm never allowed to have any say or input?