How do I stop hurting my wife?

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 35. I have hurt my wife emotionally by doing something that really hurt her emotionally and after counseling and her giving me a second chance and things started getting better I did it again. More counseling and things getting better again and then I do it again. I hate that I hurt her but don't understand why I keep doing the same cycle over again and again. I know my communication skills suck and I am not that good at expressing how I feel. I have been told I am a doer I do stuff for everyone else and make sure everyone has everything they want even if it is not needed and have never done for myself. I am not sure if why I do the things that hurt people because I am subconsciously wishing someone would do the same for me? My wife is the most important person in the world to me and I hate that I keep hurting her in the same way time and time again even after I have promised her I wouldn't do it again. I am wondering if it is the impulse or hyper focusing symptoms. Anyone with some advise as to how to help curb these impulses please help me out