How do partners get done what unquestionably needs doing, if one or both of them have frequent ODD reactions?
Some expectations, demands or requests that a partner do something are about things that can be skipped. Definitiely, if it's ODD reaction happening, I choose to let some things go.
Other things are basic to living or basic to the future of the relationship, or basic to my or our or his safety, and cant be skipped. I'm particularly interested in anyone's successful ways of dealing with this basic need kind of situation, in which the partner receiving the request has to act, or things wont get done, but what is happening instead of action is blocking, refusing, forgetting, repeated ad infinitum
Success to me means that the need for safety, shelter or whatever it is in fact gets taken care of.
I'll take any ideas for how to address this kind of dead end. Here is what I've tried that hasnt worked
1) Being patient, quietly repeating the need for action on his part in clear simple language. It hasnt worked to wait awhile, try again. It hasnt worked to putnit in writing. Tackling it this way has been Groundhog Day. Quiet persistence on my part has had little impact
2) Describing, quietly, the impact of the ODD on me. My description of my feelings or my difficulty doesnt move the ball of getting the thing done forward.
3) Blowing up at my partner. He just blows up back, it wrecks us both and we both end up negatively conditioned to deal with the problem that requires something of us both
4) Describing why the thing needs doing and why it requires him to do something. Hasnt worked. ODD doesnt seem to be affected by information
5) Giving up on my partner and just adding his part that needs doing to my own part. This is not workable for me, the situation demands his doing something about it that I cant do for him. And I sense that giving up on my partner which to me is somewhat different than having a realistic acceptance of what both of us can and cant do, is very dangerous to our relationship. In any event I'm talking about unavoidable needs that require action on my partner's part, I cant do his part for him, but he blocks and refuses more than a little, and the ODD holds the situation hostage.
PoisonIvy, shout out to you. You were much in mind as I wrote this.