My ADD spouse moved out. I've delayed the dissolution because I've been conflicted about reconciliation, I've been so angry for the past 3 years of bad counseling and getting to the point where we found out (after 23 years of chaos) that he has ADD, I just didn't know what the right thing is. I wouldn't know what to do if I prioritized myself, I have 5 kids and I've been a caregiver for my grandparents and a special needs uncle my entire adult life. I'm down to an 11 & 12 year old, a dog, and me. Do ADHD people ever come back after leaving? My Husband has convinced himself that our entire marriage was a mistake, he actually tells me that he was lieing when he said he loved me, he seems to have no recollection of any happy times in our marriage. He's angry that he "lost everything" (meanting our home etc.) but he actually walked away from all the responsibility in my opinion. I'm losing my mind taking care of everything and the kids and my career. I know I need to move on, but I can't seem to move on with him telling me that he never really loved me, that it was all a mistake, and that I need to go find a "good man". I'm 55 years old! I bought him a house yesterday. I'm not sure our marriage could work out, but I'm losing my mind trying to wrap my brain around him thinking that the whole marriage was a mistake when I truly believe he is my sould mate.
How do we move on?
Submitted by Strangebird on 07/12/2015.
You bought him a house to
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
You bought him a house to live in? Why? Are you wealthy? Does he have an income? Who will be making th payments?
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he actually tells me that he was lieing when he said he loved me, he seems to have no recollection of any happy times in our marriage. He's angry that he "lost everything" (meanting our home etc.) but he actually walked away from all the responsibility in my opinion.
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This doesn't sound like ADHD. This sounds more like a Personality Disorder.
I've been there. Once they're in that mood, they can't remember any pleasant times.
Why would you want him to come back?.
I'm not wealthy, an
Submitted by Strangebird on
I'm not wealthy, an opportunity arose and it was the right thing to do. It puts him in a house with no payment, it's a cash sale and it drained all of my cash that was put back for other purposes. I'll recover, I feel I did the right thing for him and my kids. He's been diagnosed ADD, and I have no doubt about that. His way of coping is to erase all good memories by twisting them into bad ones. My question is, is there any way to communicate with them, to get them into therapy and get them to stop the warped memories? If nothing else, I need him to have the good memories to share with my children.
I have been thru this....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Your H sounds a bit like mine. I do think your H has a personality disorder, as mine does....along with ADHD.
What he's done is called "splitting". He sees the world in black and white....and right now, he's painted your relationship with him as "black".
Once someone does that, it can either take a long time for them to paint you "white" again....or they may never paint you white again.
Your best strategy is just to be pleasant, civil, and enjoy the life you have. Have fun with your kids.
My H quickly learned that he hated living by himself. He thought that "horrible wife" would be miserable with him gone. Nope. I went on a trip with my kids, he found out indirectly that we were having a ball, he was lonely in his apt with just his TV, the fantasy that his life would be better w/o me came to a screeching halt.
He came back after about 4 months, and that taught him a huge and painful lesson.